Meditation

I had one of those ‘ah-hah!!!’ moments the other day. I’ve been fortunate enough to get to lead a discussion group (notice I didn’t say ‘teach a Bible study’) this past quarter. Our young ladies class has been working through “Knowing God’s Word” in the Women of Faith study guide series and we’ve made it to week 11 out of 12. The study has given us insight into the tools we need to go from merely reading the Bible for completion to actually studying and digging deeper by using cross references, Bible references (like commentaries, dictionaries, and concordances), looking at various translations, reading for context, doing outlines and word studies, and searching for themes.

This week’s lesson was meant to take us from studying to meditating. What is the image you get when you hear the word “meditate.” I picture someone doing Yoga near a mountain stream in the warm sunshine with the scent of fresh flowers and pine needles, head completely cleared of any outside distraction. The word, for me, evokes more of a relaxed, reflective mood than one of intense study. The book had us look at many different verses, mostly in Psalms, that contain the word “meditate” or “meditation.” All of the verses pointed out the great things that can come from meditation (success and prosperity, gaining understanding, outward progress) and how much God is pleased by our meditation.

I decided to take it a step further. With each verse, I looked up the definition or synonyms in Vine’s Expository Dictionary. Here’s a list I compiled for what it means to “meditate”:

Utterance, musing, contemplate, whisper, murmuring,

 prayer, commune, think, consider, judge, complain

None of these sound very passive or restful. They all require action. In fact, I didn’t come across the word reflect or rest. Not exactly the cultural image suggested by the word “meditates.”

Okay then, so how does one meditate? Well, that list is mostly verbs, so that’s a good place to start. The study also had us look up Philippians 4:8 that tells us to think on these: whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, trustworthy, praiseworthy. Now we have a bunch of adjective. [ My mom the English teacher is cringing J.] So I thought, “Okay, we can start putting it all together.”  We can contemplate things that are noble. We can pray about things that are pure. We can muse about things that are lovely and admirable.

The final verse the workbook wanted us to look up was 1^st Timothy 4:15. “Meditate on these things, give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.” This reminded me of a conversation I had with a good running friend of mine. We had decided that if we ran as much as we thought about, read about, or talked (blogged) about running, we would be in great shape! This verse is trying to say the same thing. If we were to be constantly thinking about God’s word, we would be in such awesome shape spiritually that the world couldn’t help but take notice- wouldn’t that be cool?

I wanted to learn a little more. The verse says “meditate on these things” – what things? Back up and read for context.

• Verse 12 gives us the WHAT: in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity
• Verse 12 and 13 gives us the HOW: be an example, give attention to reading, exhorting/edifying, and doctrine
• Verse 14 gives us the DON’T: neglect the gift that is in you
• Verse 15 tells us that meditating on these makes us outwardly spiritually fit.
• But the key is in verse 16. Sixteen gives us the all important WHY: “You will save both yourself and those who hear you.”

What better reason to devote time to meditation than to secure one’s own salvation and that of other believers? In Joshua 1:8, he is told to “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua was facing the armies of the Canaanites. We are facing the armies of Satan and the world. Like Joshua, our success will be measured in defeating the enemy, and our prosperity will be reaching the Promised Land. Meditating on God’s Word is the key to obtaining both. 

Heart, Soul, and Mind

I learned the words as a little girl in Sunday School, to the tune of some 50s song (that for the life of me I can’t remember the name of!!). And now I sing it to my son as a lullaby. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and love all of mankind as your would love yourself.” (Matthew 22:37) I sing the two greatest commands as if they were a children’s silly song. But I remember them, and I have had those words hidden in my heart for the last 30 years.

Recently, I saw the application of these in practice. Or rather, became acutely aware of the lack of them. I think I’ve been noticing it in Bible study for a while but finally put it all together. The command is to love the Lord. How? With all one’s heart and soul and mind. Sounds easy enough, right? Right.

Until you really break it down. Have you ever been sitting in a class and everyone gets in a deep, heated theological, intellectual discussion about some really legalistic issue and you think, “everyone is missing the point.” Do you ever listen to a sermon and get no feeling or emotion behind the scriptures, laid out like cold, hard facts in a court trial? Or conversely, take in a truly heart felt worship experience and inspiring, emotional sermon but in retrospect everything was just kind of loosely based on scriptures? Or shy away from the mention of the Holy Spirit at the risk of being labeled Pentecostal or Charismatic?

Heart. Soul. Mind. The scriptures tell us God intended these three areas to work in concert together. The word AND becomes really important there. You can’t just love God by knowing a lot about him, or feeling your way there, or relying solely on the Spirit. We have to marry the three.

Heart. This one is easy: any emotion you feel towards God, towards another person, towards a situation. And as women, we can totally let them get the best of us. We can be in danger of letting our emotions guide us completely and not rely on the Word of God. There is a lot (a whole lot, I believe) to be said about a woman’s intuition, but there are times when we have to take a step back and ask God to make us neutral and be objective. Men, generally speaking, seem to have the opposite problem, easily ignoring their feelings (or ours) and seeing everything as 100% black and white. Good, but at the same time, isn’t it necessary to open one’s heart in order to have a relationship with God, to not harden it to what He has to reveal to us? Neither situation strikes a good balance. Sadly, I have also witnessed this in church work. Some preachers and congregations seem to make it the focus to make everyone feel good, to not preach the truth in love for fear of hurting someone’s feelings, glossing over or omitting scriptures that might make someone feel uncomfortable, using an emotional situation to pull at the heartstrings or sway someone into a decision (mass church camp baptisms, anyone?). Yes, God is love. But at the same time he is a just God who set in place laws and rules, not to keep us from having fun or living our lives, but to keep up from hurt and pain, because he loves us. It comes full circle.

[Okay, sorry, I’m going out of order, because I want to tie it all up in a nice little package and it all comes together nicer if you talk about heart and mind first]

Mind. The church of Christ is really good at this one. Almost too good. We are known for knowing the scriptures backwards and forwards, for studying, cross-referencing, Bible bowl, Bible challenge. Coming from a Baptist background, I remember being so intimidated when my new found church friends could spout off some obscure scripture from Habakkuk, and I couldn’t remember where that book was in the Old Testament, let alone classify it and tell you what was going on in the history of the Israelites at that time. Please don’t get me wrong, Bible knowledge is uber-important. But being legalistic about them, for just seeing them as fact is where we can get into trouble. Atheists (and Satan for that matter) know what the Bible says. To draw application from them, to allow God to speak to us through scripture, to learn life lessons from them (not just about them), that is the challenge, that is where using the mind and thinking for oneself (with the help of the Holy Spirit) become critical for loving our Almighty God.  Check out the Bereans in Acts 17:11-12. The searched the scriptures daily, it says, but even more than that, they received and believed.

Soul. Ready for this? I broke out the Greek lexicon, because I had a thought and wanted to make sure I wasn’t way off base. The Greek word used here for soul is psyche, defined as “the breath of life”. This is very similar to the definition given for the Greek work pneuma or Spirit, as in, the Holy Spirit.  Ooohh.  Read 1st Corinthians 2:12. “Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.”  The only reason we, as Christians, can fully know and love God is because we have the Holy Spirit within our own soul.  The Holy Spirit, that helped write the very Scriptures, is inside each Christian helping them discern the mysteries of the Bible. The reason we are able to understand scripture and see how God is working all things together for our good is because he is living and working in our hearts. This makes recognizing the power of the Spirit an absolutely essential element in our walk with God. Again, sometimes it can be taboo to speak of the Holy Spirit working in our lives, but I think we need to know and to be able recognize when it working

Let’s put it all together.  Have you ever been in a really emotional situation, and suddenly the exact right scripture to bring you peace or calm fears or even to celebrate a victory pops in your head?  John 14:26 says that “The Helper, the Holy Spirit, who the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  See? Previous study helped you learn it, the Holy Spirit helped you remember it, and emotions helped you truly experience it. Or those times you are completely lost in a passage of Scripture, having a hard time comprehending the words on the page, and an event, conversation or prayer that opens your heart to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you brings clarity? Or maybe you felt the tug of the Holy Spirit guiding you to a particular verse that you were later able to use to ease the pain of a loved one?

The three, heart, soul, and mind, must work in concert to truly allow us to experience God as He was meant to live in our lives. They have to live in a sort of checks and balances system so that one never overpowers the others. And I think that being acutely aware of this triad will help to unlock a deeper understanding of ourselves, of the Scriptures and the Holy Spirit as we learn how to love God more fully. 

Professional Courtesy

Disclaimer: I am not writing this piece because I am looking down on professional or career women as a whole (I am one), nor do I want to discourage women from achieving goals and obtaining success. I want no part of so-called “mommy wars” and I am not starting a SAHM/WAHM/WOHM/FT/PT debate. I simply want to say what I wish someone had said to me 15 years ago.

I am a veterinarian. I spent 8 years in college and professional school. I have worked full time for the past 8 years, working 50+ hours a week and nights and weekends on call. I stay late to return phone calls, finish paperwork and clean up messes. Daily, I help owners make agonizing decisions about how to care for or euthanize their pets. I work with an amazing team of co-workers that I consider family. I have seen some pretty cool stuff and worked in some pretty awful conditions (makes for great stories, right?). I have diagnosed some really rare conditions and am able to do some cool procedures. I love my job, most days. ;)

I was told my whole young adult life that what I was doing was awesome. My friends and family were so proud of me and gave me the encouragement I needed to make it through vet school. Along the way, I made some of the best friends I could ever imagine. I was encouraged that all of my hard work in school would pay off, I’d have this awesome job, and that life would be great. The expense of school was to be considered and investment in my future that I’d be able to pay off easily. No worries. I invested much more than money into who I am today.

All of this enthusiasm was great. When I felt down, I could always find someone to lift me up and remind me about my goals. Even now, I am met with nothing but reassurance. But looking back, there was one thing no one ever told me, something I never even considered. No one ever stopped me and seriously asked me, “Sara, do you want to get married, do you want to be a mommy someday? Do you want to have a family? Do you want to be there for your family?” These things were the farthest from my mind when I was in school. I had no prospects for a husband, no time to date or even think about the future, other than that I was going to be a veterinarian. And to be honest, I probably would have said what I’d been conditioned to say. Young ladies are told their whole lives that we can have it all, we can be whatever we want to be, we can do it all. But no one ever mentions that if you have a career, that you will be doing it all- at the same time. In this modern society, where feminism, and multi-tasking, and glass ceilings are common themes, a young girl with professional aspirations is almost ashamed to stop and think, “but how am I going to juggle career and family?” or even to admit that deep down, they really want a husband and babies. Or at least I was.

For intelligent young women, success is measured by how many degrees one obtains, how much status they achieve through their careers, and a yearly salary and benefits. But then you reach the point where you are finished with school, you have a great job, and then…. what? Life begins. You meet an amazing man, fall in love and get married. You adjust and figure out how to both have careers and nurture a marriage. Then along comes a baby or two, and again, you make it work. But later, you lift your head above the mad chaos that has become your life and think, what am I doing? How can this possibly be healthy for me and my family? But by now, life has got you. Your career is taking off, you still need to make enough to make ends meet and pay back the huge school loans you “invested in”, and your babies are growing at warp speed.

Sadly, I think even the church can be involved in pushing women too hard. Exhibit A: the Proverbs 31 woman. She had it all. She did it all. She was all things to all people. And that is the standard that we are given to live up to. And it is intimidating and exhausting to read the list of her attributes: hard worker, early riser, successful business woman, caring employer, blessed mother, trustworthy wife, wise, kind, and well known in the community. She cooks, she weaves and sews, she gives to the needy, and to top it all off, she’s beautiful. Seriously, how does she do it?

I have a (completely theoretical) guess at the answer. It says she does all these things, but it doesn’t say that she did them all at the same time. Ecclesiastes 3 talks about different times in life. I believe that this amazing woman recognized that, in order to excel, that she needed to focus on certain things in different seasons of her life. She gained the respect and trust of her husband early in their marriage. She loved and nurtured her children while they were young and that carried over thought their adult lives. She took care of her household and her servants. Perhaps when the children were a bit older, she became a shrewd business woman and gained recognition in her community. And perhaps in her later years, she was hailed as a precious, beautiful jewel.

At the same time though, I’d like to point out that the Bible says “who can find” such a woman? Maybe we aren’t supposed to be all of these things? Maybe some are meant to gain wealth, some to run a household, some to be benevolent? We are made to be different, and we are called to serve where we are. Maybe being a Proverbs 31 woman means something different to each and every one of us? For some, a distinguished career. For others, being the uber-mom. For most of us, finding a balance between the two. Again, all speculation.

Professional women are often faced with a choice, family or career.  It doesn’t seem like a fair choice, there’s guilt and judgment either way from the SAHM v. WOHM battle lines. And I used to be one of those that looked down on women I knew that “gave up” their career for their families. I remember one instance in particular. I asked my cousin’s wife, who was in PA school at the time, why she didn’t just spend one more year in med school to become a doctor. Her answer: “I want to be a Mommy someday, and I can’t do that and be a doctor”. I thought that was ridiculous. Really, your aspirations in life are revolving around the chance that you might have a family someday? I didn’t realize how wise she really was.

And for that reason, I am going to have a discussion with every young woman I come in contact with that wants to become a vet. We mentor lots of high school, college age, and vet students at my practice, the majority of them female. I’m not going to tell them they need to be stay at home moms, or work part time, or put off having children or going to school. I hope to not really influence their decision to become a professional woman. I just want to plant the seed in their head that a decade from now, they will have other people in their lives and that the career they choose now will affect them greatly. And I’m going to tell them to prayerfully consider their career choice, not just outline the classes, tests, and applications necessary to get into school (again, something that was never mentioned to me). For those that are in vet school already, I’m going to mention to them to make sure there is room in their contracts for maternity leave, extended or family leave, managing their money to go part time if they need to, and being up front with their employers if they intend to have a family.

Again, I know I sound really jaded. I think it comes from my own guilt at having worked my son’s first 3 years of life away and not being there when my husband needs me. And yes, there are times I feel completely selfish for having chosen to borrow so much money for my education that I’ve now placed my family in a situation where I have no choice but to work. But I feel that maybe I can use my experience to help another young woman avoid some of the heartache I’ve experienced these past few years. At least I’ll put the idea in her head that yes, you can have it all, but do you really want it all at the same time? 

Runner's High

I run for fun. Yeah, I said fun, as in, a hobby. It started as a vanity thing following a doctor's appointment and an embarrassing number on the scale. then it turned into a way to get into shape in anticipation of trying to have a baby and wanting to have a healthy pregnancy. Then it became a way to get out the door with my son in the stroller. Sine then, I've run several 5Ks, one 10K, and got 3/4 of the way through training for a half marathon before medical complications benched me. Now, it's become more of a sanity thing. It clears my head, makes me believe I can eat more chocolate, and give me something to work towards (I can be a little too determined sometimes). The trick is, I have to be signed up for a race or working towards a new speed or distance goal to find the motivation to keep training. 

The Bible is chock full of verses that speak to runners:

• "When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble." Proverbs 4:12
• "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
• "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? run in such a way that you may obtain it.... Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air." 1 Corinthians 9: 24 & 26
• "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Sometimes I remember these verses when I run, but mostly, I gasp out a few phrases here and there. 

Today, during Bible class, I was able to identify with one of the most well-known passages in the New Testament in a completely new way. I am always in awe of the fact that I can read familiar words and pull something new out of them each time or at a different season of my life. I think that speaks to how the words are “living and active” (Heb 4:12)

Hebrews 11. The Great Faith Chapter. It starts with the best definition of faith given in the Bible. Then reminds us that we believe by faith that the Word of God formed the worlds. Then it lists all of the major players in the OT that had amazing faith: Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, and Rahab. Honorable mention is given to several others and the chapter is summed up by listing all of the methods by which the faithful were tortured and murdered and otherwise suffered for their beliefs. All of this is like a crescendo to the charge given in Hebrews 12:1. “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,”

Yeah, I loved it already because of the mention of running, but let’s go back to Hebrews 11 verse 13 “these all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.” and verse 39 “And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise.”[emphasis mine] The great faith heroes of chapter 11 never reached the finish line, but that was their motivation for continuing on, with the vast hope that they would someday, somehow get to see the promised land, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was something better yet to come! They knew they weren’t home yet. Joseph didn’t even have his bones buried and 440 some odd years later he was finally laid to rest in the land of Cannan- because he had the faith to know that just because his story ended in Egypt, God’s story was far from finished.

So, let me tie it all together. When I run, especially when I’m training for something, during the last mile of my run, I imagine that it’s the last mile in my race. I push myself, I lip sync to the fast paced music playing full blast on my headphones, I run as fast as I can that last ½ mile, I picture myself crossing the finish line. Mile 2 becomes mile 12. I can almost hear the crowds cheering, can see Scott at the finish line waiting for me, can taste the chocolate milk that will quench my thirst and speed my recovery. And I can feel the pride that my hard work and months of training has paid off big and I accomplished my goal. The energy I get from transforming my mind gets me through that last leg, even though it’s not the real deal.

And I thought, that’s how the faith heroes did it, they could see the tape stretched out at the finish line and knew that finishing was all they had to focus on. That’s the other thing that’s funny about running: I never run to win, I run to finish without stopping, I run to give my very best, regardless of what the other competitors are doing. If I can give this much dedication and determination to something so worldly, why can I not do it for my Father’s kingdom? I have all of the inspirational slogans I need spelled out for me in the Word. I have a cheering section behind me. My God is waiting for me at the finish line to give me a “Well done” and hopefully a high five. I have living water to quench my thirst. And the best part? This is a race I will win. I will receive the prize. My reward will be eternal life. 

Don't Mess this Up!

It may sound weird, but probably my go-to prayer is, “God, don’t let me mess this up!”

• Each time I’ve found myself at a crossroads, trying to decide what lies ahead for my future, a different university than expected, a move, a career change, so worried that I would make the wrong decision.
• When I was dating Scott, I knew I had found someone special. Early in our relationship, I was worried I was going to do or say something that would make Scott want to head for the hills instead of being head over heels.
• Since having Coleman, I find myself in a constant wrestling match in my head over whether to discipline unruly behavior (adhering to my Type-A, everything should be just-so personality) or to let him be a boy, at the same time desperately not wanting to crush his tiny spirit and character.
• Those horrible moments when I have to tell someone who just buried a loved one that their pet and only remaining companion has a terminal illness.

Yes, I believe whole-heartedly in praying for specific aspects in most situations, but at the same time, I find myself getting too wrapped up in the details and over-analyzing everything and replaying in my head what I should have said or done when so and so said that (read: I’m a woman). It’s at that point I tend to throw up my hands and just quit trying to interfere. I quit trying to think for myself and beg God to dictate my thoughts, actions, and decisions. That quiet whisper, where I just finally let go and say “not my will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42). Which is probably what I should have been doing in the first place, right?

So many well-known verses reinforce this concept.  

 “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ “ Jeremiah 29:11 This verse tells me that God already knows where I’m going to live, who I’m going to marry, what I’m going to do with my life. Why even spend time thinking about it and worrying if I’m going to make the right decision? Why should I even question where I live or where I work, as long as I am not in direct opposition of God’s will, He can use me to further His kingdom.

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Songs 3:4. Oh. So many times Scott or I could have just walked away (and still could, I suppose). But God is and always has been at the center of our relationship and our marriage. “What God has joined together…” Enough said.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;” Psalm 139:13-14 God knows my child better than I do. He made him to be silly and independent and self-assured and strong-willed and all the things that sometimes drive me crazy. But he also made him sweet and compassionate and smart and believe me, God knew what he was doing when He made him adorably blonde and blue-eyed with the cutest dimply smile.

 “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Phillipians 2:1-4) It’s often obvious that God has placed me in a certain situation to spread His love to a hurting soul. And to be honest, I hate that. But I’m called as a Christian to be compassionate, to help those in need, and to show mercy and tenderness when it’s most needed. So in those times, I have to step out of the way and rely on the Holy Spirit to give me the words and to use me to minister to his grieving child.

So yes, as a Christian, I should be conscientious about what I do, what I say, and how I act. And yes, there are so many times I fail miserably. But, if I am living my life in accordance to God’s will, if I rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me, and I fall back on biblical teachings, I should be good to go. There are times when decisions need to be made about specific details, but having faith in God who in turn has faith in me to do what is good should give me confidence to make the right move. Much like a parent that has taught their child right from wrong must give them the freedom to make choices and is thrilled when they excel, so does God when I become obedient to his plan.

The words are childish – Don’t let me mess this up – but the heart behind it is, at the same time, mature, yet childlike. God guide me. Take control. Thy will be done. 

Under Attack

I’ve never been one to entertain thoughts and validate the existence of the supernatural. Novels and TV specials about ghosts and witches do not appeal (ok, repulse) me. I just do not get into Halloween (the ghouls and goblins part, free candy and cute kids in costumes I can totally handle!) I don’t understand the vampire movie craze. Period.

But I do acknowledge and fear the existence and power of Satan on this earth. The Bible makes it clear that he is living and active in the world. In the first chapter of Job, God asks Satan what he has been up to. His reply, “ ‘From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.’ “ Oh wow. You get this picture of Satan lurking around,” looking for a soul to steal”, to quote Charlie Daniels. And then obviously he shows up in the New Testament as well, trying his best to temp Jesus himself in the wilderness, and in Luke 22:3, “Satan entered into Judas” – seriously? Can he do that?? The book The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis fictitiously portrays the demon ‘Screwtape’ writing letters of instruction to his nephew demon’ Wormwood’, telling him exactly how to control the thoughts and actions of his human ‘patient’ to keep him from becoming a strong supporter of the ‘Enemy’ (God). Although not scripture, it sure does make you think.

Recently, I have seen Satan at work in my family’s life. No, we haven’t experienced and catastrophic losses or turned our back on our faith, but let me show you how he has attacked us with a timeline of the past two months.

Early in September, Scott and I committed to start reading and studying a chapter of the New Testament together every night (excluding the gospels and revelation, we would have studied the entire NT by the end of the year). All is well and good for a few weeks, and then my work schedule got crazy. I was gone a lot, slammed every day at work, emotionally and physically spent, on call two weekends in a row and scheduled to go to a conference the next weekend. We kept reading, but our relationship felt cold and distant. My ‘love language’ (read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman) has always been quality time, but we never could pinpoint Scott’s, he’s so laid back and even keel that nothing seems to phase him. Well, during that time, because I hadn’t been around or able to spend many quiet moments together, he figured out that his was quality time, too, and that he hadn’t felt at all loved in a long time. Epic. Wife. Fail. See what happened there? Scott and I attempted to grow together spiritually and Satan found a way to use my job to drive us apart.

So, the last weekend of September, he came to Fort Worth to go on a date with me while I was at my conference and we were able to reconnect. That night, we made some exciting plans for our future regarding decisions we’d been wrestling with for 6 months or more. This must have made the Devil really mad, because 2 days later he found a way to destroy our plans. Our last milk-hand at the dairy quit. If you aren’t in the dairy industry, you can’t fully grasp the impact this has, so I’ll run down the list of badness and uncertainty it has caused: 

1. Scott or Kenton would always have to milk either day or night (longer, harder hours to work).
2. A decision had to be made to keep milking cows, to milk less cows, or to sell the entire milk herd.
3. If they keep the cows, the guys work themselves to exhaustion and I never see my husband.
4. If they sell the cows, they no longer have jobs, and a proud 3 generations of dairy farming comes to a close.
5. All of the decisions and plans we’d made two nights earlier got put on hold, again.
6. Milk hands are hard to find, harder to train, and even harder to keep, so hiring another one was pretty much out of the question.

While my head was reeling with this news, I found comfort in two verses of scripture and posted them on Facebook, thinking maybe someone else might find encouragement as well. Apparently, the devil thinks scripture is a powerful thing, because the next day, a troublesome ex-church member passive-aggressively attacked me in the comments section under the scriptures (which opened a whole other can of worms, insert eye roll here). We somehow got through the rest of the week, and I had a few days off to spend together as a family before the hand was gone and life got harder.

That was Monday. Friday, I got to go to an amazing ladies retreat (see Turning Over a New Leaf) with my sister in law and found just what I needed to recharge my batteries, to recommit to studying and praying. Sunday, I had a major breakdown about putting Coleman back in daycare full time. He’s been spending Thursdays and Fridays with Scott, but would no longer be able to as Scott’s work schedule had changed. Scott and I read our Bible passage that night and God gave me some amazing scriptures to reaffirm the lessons from the retreat and encourage me that all was well.

I guess Satan decided to fight fire with fire, because the next afternoon, I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy (all the gory details can be found here). You see, he had to resort to an attack on my physical health to distract me from attending to my spiritual health. And it worked. We quit reading. I was sick. Scott was gone to the dairy. Coleman could sense that we were upset about something. He used the emotional roller-coaster of female hormones to guide misgivings about God’s plan for our family. He used Scott’s absence to let insecurities and worry creep in. It took almost the entire month of October to recover.

Do you see his strategy? Do you see how subtle, yet infiltrative his methods are? It was well thought out, carefully planned on a timeline, an offense for every defense. Every time we tried to rally, he came back with something even harder, kicked us while we were down. No, we didn’t suffer a major loss, praise God, but now we’ve lost something even more precious: time spent with God. And you’d better believe that is a huge victory to Satan.

But let me share something else with you. During this whole battle over our spiritual walk, God fought back:

-The Holy Spirit gave me scripture memory to lift me up just when I needed it most.

-God guided my studying to gird me up before the assault even started.

-He gave me the desire to attend the ladies retreat (I had to rearrange my on call schedule) where I learned some invaluable resources to dive into God’s word and reap the benefits.

- He used family to minister to our needs while I was sick and unable to do so.

-He provided friends that were concerned for us and look out for me.

- He delivered a sermon through a great friend about finding my faith to snap me back to reality and realize what was going on.

- He gave my husband unbelievable strength and patience, he reassured me that I mean the world to him, he was scared with me, and he took great care of me.

See that! GOD. FOUGHT. BACK. For me, for little ol’ me! Even when I didn’t know what was going on! And he does every single day for all of us-isn’t that just amazing?!? So the next time you think you’re being kicked while you are down, “count it all joy” just as Paul did. Take it as a compliment: you wouldn’t be a target if you weren’t doing something that made Satan mad and threatened his mission. But at the same time, be aware, be on guard, and allow God to fight back!

Turning Over a New Leaf

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of traveling with my favorite sister in law to a Church of Christ Ladies Retreat held at Quartz Mountain Christian Camp in Altus, Oklahoma. A dear friend of mine from my church in Stillwater had sent out a mass FB message calling our attention to the retreat because our ladies minister/secretary from the campus ministry there was the speaker. So, 4 of us made plans to attend and didn't tell her we were going to be there until we plopped down on the front row and made her day!


Not only was it good to see everyone and spend a little girl time with my seesters, but the message Sabrina brought was, of course, just what I needed to hear. I can't really pinpoint one central theme (I'm sure it was there and I just didn't put it all together), but there were so many great snippets and one liners that caught my attention that it was very refreshing. Here are a few, in no particular order:


Uno: The idea that "It's enough" - meaning, to let God use your imperfections and shortcomings to glorify Him despite your best intentions. For example, you bring a meal to someone and then realize you forgot dessert. You are headed to speak somewhere and realize your nails look awful. You look around at your house after working all day and cooking a good meal and getting the kids to bed and shame yourself because it's a total mess. God asks us to live our lives for Him, but he never expects us to be perfect, especially in the petty things that don't matter. That little phrase, "it's enough", has given me room to breathe and cut myself some slack.


Dos: The realization that God wants us to seek Him, to look in His Word, and to find Him. Yes, I've known these concepts all along, but Sabrina pointed out that the Bible isn't a big mystery- it's there in black and white. When we need a blessing from God, it's right there!!! Waiting to be discovered!!! He still speaks to us, we just need to realize that that's what He's trying to do! This became real to me Sunday night after the retreat. We are going through some crazy changes (more in another blog) and I was so completely distraught and wondering "why?" but I went to my Bible reading for the day and boom! Romans 15:4 and 13 were practically leaping off the page. 4: "For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." (Oh my word- is that not what Sabrina was talking about all weekend???) and 13: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Huge, deep breath of fresh air and assurance right there. Little did I know that 12 hours later I would need those words so much more (another post, another day).


Tres: How to study the Bible. This seems so elementary, right? You sit down in a quiet place, open, read, and pray. But, completely off topic, I thought, Sabrina had us take a quiz to determine what type of learner we are, visual, auditory, or tactile. I am highly visual: I need to read, take notes, underline, highlight. I've always said that if I don't have a pen in my hand when listening to a lecture or sermon I don't learn anything. I would recopy my notes from lectures during vet school into spirals, and I can still tell you, 9 years later, that the information on nitrate poisoning is towards the middle of the book, on the left hand side and takes up the entire page. If I ever wrote anything down wrong, I learned it wrong. But why had I never applied this to studying my Bible? Why do I not make my own notes, maybe I would memorize scriptures better. Why don't I map out Paul's missionary journeys in Acts for myself in a diagram? I always felt like underlining anything in my Bible was taboo (am I adding to scripture or making one verse more important than another by writing in my Bible??). But you know what? I sure can find Romans 15: 4 and 13 much easier now that they are underlined, with notations, and exclamation points. Such a genius idea, I may have to use that for my next bible study.


Which brings me to Quatro: Spending time with Sabrina and my girls reminded me just how much I need fellowship and friendship in my life. Confession: I have trended towards living my life as a loner lately. I am a working mom (with ridiculous hours) where the others at my church are SAHM, part time, or work normal jobs which allow them to be home on nights and weekends and spend time taking care of their families. I have an exhausting job, physically, emotionally, and mentally, where the others I know, well, don't. And in the free time I do have, I feel obligated to use to clean house, cook, and spend strictly with family, instead of selfishly wanting to go out for coffee with a girlfriend. Sabrina also reminded me of the several Bible studies she and I led or attended together during my 4 years at OSU. And, most incredibly, she told a story about a time I encouraged her through a CD I had given her, and I didn't even know it had made such an impact in her life. My point is, not only am I missing out on building Christian friendships, but how many opportunities to bless or encourage others have I missed by being becoming hermit?


With all that said, I have it in my head to, yet again, attempt to start up a ladies Bible study. My hope is that next quarter, we'll split our young adult Wednesday night class into separate men and women's classes (1. because finding a time outside of church is impossible, and 2. I don't want anyone to feel excluded by giving it a small group feel at my house). There is a ladies class at our church, but it's at 10 a.m. on Wednesday, so really, no one that works can go (read: mostly the older ladies go). My prayer is that we are all blessed, we grow together, and that we are able to dive deep into His Word. I had big expectations going into that weekend, needing to be refreshed, wanting to learn more about God, and looking forward to spending time with some great friend- I serve a God who delivers!!!

Happy Easter!!

Easter has always been one of my favorite times of the year. So many great childhood memories with my family, great Sunday services, and, of course, Easter bonnets!!! The past two years, Kendra and I have done our best to bring the Easter bonnet, so much fun! And we get great compliments from envy one who used to remember when every lady wore a hat to church every Sunday.

But, mostly, I love celebrating the resurrection. Even though the church of Christ does not recognize Easter Sunday as resurrection Sunday (because, just like Christmas, we're not actually commanded to  celebrate religious holidays in the New Testament. But I find it nice that, at least once a year, the Christian world stops and dwells on the fact that Jesus died for our sins and rose victoriously to save us. There are so many powerful scriptures and great songs, but one of my favorites is How Deep the Father's Love for Us.

How deep the father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give his only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out amount the scoffers
It was my son that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

I mean, really, that says it all. It's so personal and touching and powerful. And it makes a great lullaby, just ask Coleman and Scott! Happy Easter!!!!

Letter to a co-ed

I was asked to write a letter to a sweet young lady in my life that is attending a church retreat this weekend. I'm not 100% sure what the beliefs are of this organization (it is Christian), but I do know that this girl needs some Jesus in her life, so I was more than happy to take the time to really put some thought into it. It went something like this [we'll call her Emma, because that's what I would name a girl if we ever had one, but Scott hates that name]:

My Dear Emma,

I hope this letter finds you deep in the throws of a weekend filled with rest, discovery, and promise. I know that even though school just got started, your wheels are cranked up and you are ready to go! What a great opportunity you have to set your focus on God, to learn how to make Him the reason behind why you do everything else, and to get your priorities set straight before all of the madness truly beings. It is so easy to loose that focus when you are in the midst of such an awesome university, but one filled with distractions. Class. Judging. Friends. And let's not forget FOOTBALL. 

My campus minister (at OSU) started each fall semester with the same lesson, but one that every college kid needs to hear.  I'll give you the basic outline, for time's sake, and you can take it from there:

1) Everyone has told you that the first step to being a successful college student is "go to class." Much the same way, it is just as important to go to church. Stay in that habit, or make that a new habit if you haven't been attending. You will learn something each time, even if it's just someone's name. That someone may need a friend, and you may come to need that person's friendship, accountability, or help. Of course, the whole point in going weekly is to learn a new lesson, Bible verse, and spend time in worship. Develop that habit of setting time aside each Sunday and Wednesday to help deepen your relationship with Christ. You need that time. Go. To. Church.

2) Slow down. This is one I need to hear again myself. I imagine that you are much like I was as a college student: you keep going until you drop. Be it class, studying, practice, or socializing, I bet you only rest when you are sleeping, or maybe a lazy Saturday morning here or there. If you are so busy going from one thing to the next, how will you ever hear what God is trying to tell you? Take time to stop- listen- learn- and hear what it is He wants you to do for Him with your life. Start by taking just 15 minutes out of your day to clear your head, read His word, and offer up a simple prayer. This weekend should help you jump start and recharge with that idea of quiet rest. Again, I should be the one taking this advise.....

3) Find your faith. This may sound strange, but hear me out. As a child, living at home, you follow what your parents believe (or don't believe). You go to church with them when they go. You learn lessons (at church or in life) based on what your parents or your church teach. And for the most part, as a child or teenager, you accept what the adults in your life have to say without question. They must know what they're talking about, right? But then you move off to college. When, where and if you go to church becomes your sole decision. What you think, believe, or obey is your responsibility. You no longer have to believe what they believe, and if you don't live a life in Christ, that's on your head, you are the responsible party now. My point is this: college is the perfect opportunity to establish your faith in Christ, to grow your roots deep, to serve Him as you see fit. Build that firm foundation based on what you believe, know to be truth, and figure out who you, Emma, are as a daughter of God. Build that base, and have it firmly in place before the distractions and commitments of a job, husband, and family pull you in a million different directions. Because when they do, you will have that solid relationship anchoring you down and you can reflect Christ's love to those that you hold dear. Figure out who you are in Christ. Find your faith. 

Sweet, beautiful Emma, I pray that the experiences you have this weekend stay with you for a lifetime, and that you return to Lubbock refreshed and with a new focus and mindset to help you through life this life with God as your guide. Praying for you this weekend and always!!

Much love,

Sara