I knew that having a baby would change my relationships with people in some way, but I was by no means ready for the magnitude of that change. Some are subtle changes, like how I'm more understanding and sympathize more with strangers that have children or appreciate unasked for courtesies and kindnesses. Others are much more dramatic:
With friends: It depends on the friend. If they have children, young or old, it's like we're friends on a whole different level. I have a new understanding of their world- how all-consuming, overwhelming, and at times, gut-wrenching parenthood is. If they don't have friends, there is now a separation. Gone are the carefree shopping trips or impromptu movie nights, and they don't understand exactly why. The friends who have recently had babies are the best- they just get us. They know why we have to leave suddenly and why it takes days to return e-mails or phone calls. They are sounding boards for things like feeding and sleeping issues. Oh, and they have hand-me-downs and sage advice!
With family: I think we now understand how much our parents love us. It's come full circle. We can instantly brighten their day with a picture of or story about Coleman. The great-grandparents just beam when he's around and it's hard to not make him the center of attention. He has been such a blessing!
With myself: I'm not sure how to describe this one. Where I used to be so organized and a perfectionist, I can't remember the simplest things like "shut the closet door so Ali doesn't get in the laundry basket." I've always been very goal oriented, but right now my priorities center around getting what needs done today finished and ready for tomorrow. I'm very hard on myself, but I'm having to learn to cut myself some slack. I have realized how selfish I was B.C. (before Coleman) and how self-less I still need to become. Somewhere in that pendulum I do need to learn to make time for myself. My goal this week is to treat myself to a soak in our nice new very deep and wide bathtub. Here's hoping.
With Scott: This is the most shocking change. Having Coleman has united us in ways that I never dreamed of. Our marriage now has a purpose higher than honoring and loving each other. Our goal now is to live as an example and to raise this child of God into a servant. We are his example of how to live as Christians. We are his example of a loving, working marriage. Scott is his example of a father and husband. I am to display the qualities he should search for in a mate. It is an awesome responsibility, a bit overwhelming at times. And together we are a team. When I'm tired and at my wits end, he's there to soothe our crying child. When he's not sure what to do, I have the answer. I have fallen more in love with that man than I knew I could. To see him with our baby warms and softens my heart like butter. Even though we are exhausted and spend precious little time alone together, we are closer and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
With God: You know that whole Father-Child aspect of having a relationship with God? I always got the "Child" part of it, but now I think I'm beginning to understand how He loves us as a parent, as the Father. I'm sure as time goes on and Coleman grows up and makes his own choices I'll understand it even more. Additionally, I've always grown closer to God during times of trial, and if this isn't one, then I don't know what is. There are those times when you just plead and beg that he goes to sleep and that you somehow find the strength to go on. The other extreme is that moment when I am holding that sweet sleeping (or laughing) perfect angel and just praise God for making him just for us to care for and love. And there's every second in between, when you just aren't sure of yourself and need a little guidance and hope and pray and have faith that what you are doing is the right thing. Let go and let God.
My New Year's resolution was to "de-clutter" everything. I definitely am working towards that goal in this area of my life. Bring on the next 6 months!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
3 months (+ 10 days)
Coleman,
One thing that I hope you don't inherit or acquire is "Holloway Time," where "in a little bit" means a few hours from now and it's an every day event to get home to clean up 10 minutes after you are supposed to be somewhere. Mommy grew up being early for everything, but I've been influenced by Daddy and the rest of his family and I'm now one of them.... which might explain why this post is so late.
You are getting to be such a big boy! You actually spent your three month birthday on your first long out-of-town trip without Mommy and Daddy. Nana had a family reunion at Lake Whitney and I was on call, so she loaded you up with your aunts, uncle, and great-Grandpa and had a great day meeting all of your cousins on her side of the family. You were apparently a very good boy and only fussed a few times. We missed you very much but spent the whole day (working) talking about how we want to raise you: on a farm, out with us as much as possible, and of course, in the church.
You have changed so very much in the past month, it's unreal! You talk, squeal, laugh, coo, and sing at anyone who will listen- especially the ceiling fans and dogs. You are really starting to explore the world around you and are a very social baby. You started sleeping really well (anywhere from 6-8 hours at a stretch!) but then we changed up your schedule and you stay with Nana during the day and we haven't quite got our routine down yet. You have to nurse yourself to sleep, which can take quite a while and is kind of tiring, but I secretly love the extra special one-on-one Mommy-Coleman time at the end of a long day. You eat 3.5 ounces three times a day while I'm at work and nurse 3 or 4 times when we're home. We haven't been to see Dr. Lovette this month, so I'm not sure about your stats, but you are definitely growing!
We moved to our new house and you have your very own room now! We have a place for everything and room for all of your furniture and toys. I am certain that this has helped you sleep better because we are not trying to sneak around you and watch TV or make dinner without disturbing you. I do miss you not being close by during the night and I don't get to watch you nap during the day (so precious!). We haven't finished decorating yet, but when we do, it will be super cute!
We had some very special visitors Memorial Day weekend. Granny B, or BB, or G-Mama, or G-Mother (she hasn't picked one yet) came to visit with Auntie Linda from Canada on their way to Arkansas. They were so funny and you had a great time talking with them and entertaining everyone during our first cookout at the new house. We gave Nana and G-Mama their Mother's Day presents: collage frames with pictures of you and your proud parents. They, of course, were a hit!
Speaking of Mother's Day- you gave me a beautiful corsage with miniature yellow roses. I tried to wear it, but between carrying you and feeding you in the middle of church it fell off. Still, it was great. We went and ate with the rest of the family and then all went home and crashed for our traditional Sunday afternoon nap. My little man, I am so honored and blessed that God entrusted me to be your Mommy. Watching you grow up and develop is the most fun thing I've ever experienced. I am amazed at all of your new tricks and could never have imagined how much you changed our lives. We love you!
Daddy & Mommy
[pictures to come!]
One thing that I hope you don't inherit or acquire is "Holloway Time," where "in a little bit" means a few hours from now and it's an every day event to get home to clean up 10 minutes after you are supposed to be somewhere. Mommy grew up being early for everything, but I've been influenced by Daddy and the rest of his family and I'm now one of them.... which might explain why this post is so late.
You are getting to be such a big boy! You actually spent your three month birthday on your first long out-of-town trip without Mommy and Daddy. Nana had a family reunion at Lake Whitney and I was on call, so she loaded you up with your aunts, uncle, and great-Grandpa and had a great day meeting all of your cousins on her side of the family. You were apparently a very good boy and only fussed a few times. We missed you very much but spent the whole day (working) talking about how we want to raise you: on a farm, out with us as much as possible, and of course, in the church.
You have changed so very much in the past month, it's unreal! You talk, squeal, laugh, coo, and sing at anyone who will listen- especially the ceiling fans and dogs. You are really starting to explore the world around you and are a very social baby. You started sleeping really well (anywhere from 6-8 hours at a stretch!) but then we changed up your schedule and you stay with Nana during the day and we haven't quite got our routine down yet. You have to nurse yourself to sleep, which can take quite a while and is kind of tiring, but I secretly love the extra special one-on-one Mommy-Coleman time at the end of a long day. You eat 3.5 ounces three times a day while I'm at work and nurse 3 or 4 times when we're home. We haven't been to see Dr. Lovette this month, so I'm not sure about your stats, but you are definitely growing!
We moved to our new house and you have your very own room now! We have a place for everything and room for all of your furniture and toys. I am certain that this has helped you sleep better because we are not trying to sneak around you and watch TV or make dinner without disturbing you. I do miss you not being close by during the night and I don't get to watch you nap during the day (so precious!). We haven't finished decorating yet, but when we do, it will be super cute!
We had some very special visitors Memorial Day weekend. Granny B, or BB, or G-Mama, or G-Mother (she hasn't picked one yet) came to visit with Auntie Linda from Canada on their way to Arkansas. They were so funny and you had a great time talking with them and entertaining everyone during our first cookout at the new house. We gave Nana and G-Mama their Mother's Day presents: collage frames with pictures of you and your proud parents. They, of course, were a hit!
Speaking of Mother's Day- you gave me a beautiful corsage with miniature yellow roses. I tried to wear it, but between carrying you and feeding you in the middle of church it fell off. Still, it was great. We went and ate with the rest of the family and then all went home and crashed for our traditional Sunday afternoon nap. My little man, I am so honored and blessed that God entrusted me to be your Mommy. Watching you grow up and develop is the most fun thing I've ever experienced. I am amazed at all of your new tricks and could never have imagined how much you changed our lives. We love you!
Daddy & Mommy
[pictures to come!]
Friday, June 8, 2012
Unexpected Job Hazard
So, I work in a pretty rough environment. On any given day, I might expect to get kicked, scratched, bitten, stepped on, or exposed to any number of zoonotic diseases, including rabies. Then, there's the other less obvious hazards like frostbite, sunburn, heat exhaustion, insect stings, and such. While I was preggo, you could add x-rays, anesthetic gas, hormones and exposure to cat feces to the list.
Well, last Sunday, I was exposed to a toxin I wouldn't have ever thought about. I was working on a blocked tom cat (read: he had a bladder stone plugging his urethra and couldn't pee) on the 'wet table' on emergency. The wet table is kind of our prep/dental/small procedure table in our ward room that has a grate on top and is a sink underneath so you can just rinse away any nastiness that may occur- which does quite frequently. Anyhow, the ideal place to catheterize a cat so that the urine will just go into the sink and not make too much of a mess. I had the cat under gas anesthesia and finally was able to dislodge the stone and bloody, stagnant urine under pressure came shooting out of the catheter.
Have you ever smelled cat pee? Have you ever smelled tom cat pee? Have you ever smelled it mixed with blood and concentrated- yeah, not the best smell. So, shortly after I had expressed the bladder, I was sewing the catheter in place and my eyes started burning and my throat got really scratchy. There were some crazy fumes going on, but I realized it wasn't the anesthesia or the urine. Hmm... then it dawned on me- the only person that had been in that morning was the cleaning lady.
She likes to clean with bleach.....
Stagnant cat pee breaks down into ammonia.....
GREAT!!!!
I finished up with the cat, turned off the anesthesia, put the cat in a cage to recover, rinsed down the pee and bleach (which had started to bubble and turned into a gel in the bottom of the sink), opened some windows and went outside. Awesome.
Aside from some random waves of nausea, not being able to smell for the rest of the day, and a scratchy throat, I'm fine. And very grateful to have been able to figure out what was going on in time to not pass out and have the cleaning lady find me the next morning.
Well, last Sunday, I was exposed to a toxin I wouldn't have ever thought about. I was working on a blocked tom cat (read: he had a bladder stone plugging his urethra and couldn't pee) on the 'wet table' on emergency. The wet table is kind of our prep/dental/small procedure table in our ward room that has a grate on top and is a sink underneath so you can just rinse away any nastiness that may occur- which does quite frequently. Anyhow, the ideal place to catheterize a cat so that the urine will just go into the sink and not make too much of a mess. I had the cat under gas anesthesia and finally was able to dislodge the stone and bloody, stagnant urine under pressure came shooting out of the catheter.
Have you ever smelled cat pee? Have you ever smelled tom cat pee? Have you ever smelled it mixed with blood and concentrated- yeah, not the best smell. So, shortly after I had expressed the bladder, I was sewing the catheter in place and my eyes started burning and my throat got really scratchy. There were some crazy fumes going on, but I realized it wasn't the anesthesia or the urine. Hmm... then it dawned on me- the only person that had been in that morning was the cleaning lady.
She likes to clean with bleach.....
Stagnant cat pee breaks down into ammonia.....
GREAT!!!!
I finished up with the cat, turned off the anesthesia, put the cat in a cage to recover, rinsed down the pee and bleach (which had started to bubble and turned into a gel in the bottom of the sink), opened some windows and went outside. Awesome.
Aside from some random waves of nausea, not being able to smell for the rest of the day, and a scratchy throat, I'm fine. And very grateful to have been able to figure out what was going on in time to not pass out and have the cleaning lady find me the next morning.
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