Letter to a co-ed

I was asked to write a letter to a sweet young lady in my life that is attending a church retreat this weekend. I'm not 100% sure what the beliefs are of this organization (it is Christian), but I do know that this girl needs some Jesus in her life, so I was more than happy to take the time to really put some thought into it. It went something like this [we'll call her Emma, because that's what I would name a girl if we ever had one, but Scott hates that name]:

My Dear Emma,

I hope this letter finds you deep in the throws of a weekend filled with rest, discovery, and promise. I know that even though school just got started, your wheels are cranked up and you are ready to go! What a great opportunity you have to set your focus on God, to learn how to make Him the reason behind why you do everything else, and to get your priorities set straight before all of the madness truly beings. It is so easy to loose that focus when you are in the midst of such an awesome university, but one filled with distractions. Class. Judging. Friends. And let's not forget FOOTBALL. 

My campus minister (at OSU) started each fall semester with the same lesson, but one that every college kid needs to hear.  I'll give you the basic outline, for time's sake, and you can take it from there:

1) Everyone has told you that the first step to being a successful college student is "go to class." Much the same way, it is just as important to go to church. Stay in that habit, or make that a new habit if you haven't been attending. You will learn something each time, even if it's just someone's name. That someone may need a friend, and you may come to need that person's friendship, accountability, or help. Of course, the whole point in going weekly is to learn a new lesson, Bible verse, and spend time in worship. Develop that habit of setting time aside each Sunday and Wednesday to help deepen your relationship with Christ. You need that time. Go. To. Church.

2) Slow down. This is one I need to hear again myself. I imagine that you are much like I was as a college student: you keep going until you drop. Be it class, studying, practice, or socializing, I bet you only rest when you are sleeping, or maybe a lazy Saturday morning here or there. If you are so busy going from one thing to the next, how will you ever hear what God is trying to tell you? Take time to stop- listen- learn- and hear what it is He wants you to do for Him with your life. Start by taking just 15 minutes out of your day to clear your head, read His word, and offer up a simple prayer. This weekend should help you jump start and recharge with that idea of quiet rest. Again, I should be the one taking this advise.....

3) Find your faith. This may sound strange, but hear me out. As a child, living at home, you follow what your parents believe (or don't believe). You go to church with them when they go. You learn lessons (at church or in life) based on what your parents or your church teach. And for the most part, as a child or teenager, you accept what the adults in your life have to say without question. They must know what they're talking about, right? But then you move off to college. When, where and if you go to church becomes your sole decision. What you think, believe, or obey is your responsibility. You no longer have to believe what they believe, and if you don't live a life in Christ, that's on your head, you are the responsible party now. My point is this: college is the perfect opportunity to establish your faith in Christ, to grow your roots deep, to serve Him as you see fit. Build that firm foundation based on what you believe, know to be truth, and figure out who you, Emma, are as a daughter of God. Build that base, and have it firmly in place before the distractions and commitments of a job, husband, and family pull you in a million different directions. Because when they do, you will have that solid relationship anchoring you down and you can reflect Christ's love to those that you hold dear. Figure out who you are in Christ. Find your faith. 

Sweet, beautiful Emma, I pray that the experiences you have this weekend stay with you for a lifetime, and that you return to Lubbock refreshed and with a new focus and mindset to help you through life this life with God as your guide. Praying for you this weekend and always!!

Much love,

Sara 

 

Yes, it's been a long time. I make no excuses and have no regrets. If you knew my life, you would understand. I'm not making any resolve to start blogging more or anything like that. I'm just going to say:

I have bangs!!!

Long, side-swept bangs that fall over my left eye and into my face on occasion.

You may not understand why this is significant, but first ask yourself if you were a child of the 80's. If so, you may remember the thick, curled, hairspray, gravity defying "do-do roll" bangs. I had them, my mom had them, everyone had them as some point in time. Any they have left a legacy. Not necessarily a good one, not necessarily a bad one. But a legacy none the less.

The bangs never worked for me. My hair is straight, fine, and lays flat (unless pumped full of AquaNet so stiff that a West Texas wind won't move it). To top it off, I have a cowlick over my right eye that makes the hair have a weird upwards flip that goes to the left- nice obscure picture painted there. So, with this pre-teen failure at having the cool, up to date, curling iron singed hairstyle, I gave up sometime around 8th or 9th grade, grew out my hair and haven't looked back.

Until yesterday- when I went in needed something different. Something piece-y but not choppy. Something that didn't require a lot of product or time invested. Something that worked with my hair, that I could put up in a ponytail (sort of), and looked great.

That's what I got, and I got bangs (I still shudder to even say the word). And I love it. I was even able to (almost) re-create the look that Lisa sculpted for me and even took the time to show me, step by step, how to achieve.

So, for today, I'm a fan of [bangs] my new haircut, until they get in my face. Then I toss my head and wonder what I was thinking.

Weaning.... from what, exactly?

I can't believe I did it.

Somehow, I managed to work a (more than) full time job and breast feed my baby for his entire first year. Somehow, despite a crazy schedule, little sleep, and a demanding, well, life in general, I was able to nurture a breastfeeding relationship. Somehow, I managed to survive a whole year of pumping enough milk for 3 or 4 feedings a day, nurse before work and bed time, and once or twice in the middle of the night and keep going with my day to day life.

It wasn't easy, I'll be the first to tell you that. I completely understand why the vast majority of working moms quit when they go back to work. Combine lack of sleep, lack of support, and lack of confidence with a demanding job and a demanding 6 week old and you can quickly see why any mother would give in to the bottle and the promise that "formula will make them sleep longer."

So how did I do it? My husband will tell you that one thing he loves about me is my determination. I set out to nurse for a year, and I did just that. I had a good friend (who's son would not nurse so she exclusively pumped for a year) encourage me by these words: " I just try and take it one day at a time. This morning I chose to keep going." And I think I repeated those words to myself at least once a week. And each night (most nights) as I would tally up the milk for my son for the next day, the words "give us this day our daily bread" would dance through my head and I would recall how God promised to provide just enough manna for one day to the Israelites for all that time spent in the desert. And I would smile to myself and realize that God had gotten us through one-more-day.

I began weaning Coleman mid-February. I had let him continue to nurse once or twice a night this entire time despite the experts saying that he should be able to "sleep through the night", but I just knew that he (and maybe I) needed to keep feeding every few hours. Sure enough, as I made him drop one, then the last, feeding, I could feel my body start shutting down production. I truly believe that he got the most during those night feedings- when the whole world was still and he and I could just be together, with no distractions, no to-do list. Really, is 15 minutes of lost sleep that big a deal?

After his first birthday, I started only pumping enough for 2, then 1, feeding a week. We switched him to sippy cups and whole milk and, although he took to it fairly easily, there was some resistance. The final week, I quit pumping at work altogether and my body adjusted with no complications. It was then that I realized how much Coleman loved to nurse. He would climb up into his daycare worker's lap, pat her on the chest or pull down his shirt and say "Mama". Most people, including her, found this funny, but I found it endearing to no end. All of those really hard days, weeks, and months had actually meant something to him. My stubborn-ness had paid off and had fostered a bond with my child.

You see, the main reason I kept nursing long after most women would have quit is this: I only spend 1-2 hours with my baby a day. Most of that is spent either getting ready for the day or getting ready for bed. There is no in between where we can just play. The vast majority of his waking hours is spent in someone else's care- someone else gets to watch him play and laugh and try new foods and put him down for naps and take care of him when he's sick. So sending my milk with him each day was my way of truly feeling like his mother, to "mark my territory" in a sense and send a little bit of me with him. And Coleman is not a cuddly baby- he's a curious, active on-the-go child. No long, drawn out nursing sessions for him, nope. A quick sip or two every few hours and he's on to the next thing. Except for the cuddly morning and nighttime feedings, when I could hold and breathe in my baby and feel like a mommy again.

A friend of mine had a baby the last week I nursed Coleman. I wrote her these words:
"I was thinking about you tonight as I was putting Coleman to bed. Day 2: the excitement of the delivery is over and hopefully you've gotten some rest. And by now you have had two full days of nursing a baby around the clock. You may be getting sore. Your milk may be coming in, adding a whole other layer of soreness. And as a new mom it is impossible to feel 100% comfortable with "the latch", how much milk he is getting, and nursing in front of other people, even Michael.
This is simply a note of encouragement! Try to relax through the pain and focus on that sweet little body that is still relying solely on you for strength and nourishment. Hold those tiny hands and marvel at how that tiny mouth knows just how everything works. When he falls asleep in your arms, take the opportunity to just. Be. Still. All of the struggles of learning how will soon be over and forgotten and you and Daniel will form an amazing bond.
I took this opportunity to do just this tonight as I nursed Coleman to sleep, perhaps for the last time. It is unbelievable how quickly time passes and hard to fathom that just a short/long year ago I was in your shoes. A year ago I would never have believed how naturally it would come, how much I would enjoy it, how it would become my favorite part of the day, and how much I would miss it.
So listen to your instincts, do what feels right, and try to enjoy this incredibly challenging part of your life so that you can look back on these next few weeks with fond memories and smile!"

That last before-bed feeding nearly killed me. But I survived enough to have my heart ripped out again the following night as I gave him a bottle and he cried to nurse. I tried to explain to Scott how it was the only thing that made me feel like a mommy, and the only time I got to cuddle with him. I don't think he understood it. Coleman has gotten a lot more clingy and is going through a major separation anxiety phase since then- all reinforcing to me how important it was to nurse as long as I did. If I were a part time or stay at home mom, I think I would still be nursing. I will nurse my next child for just as long. I am proud of myself for sticking it out. And finally knowing how much it meant to my child, from more than a nutrition standpoint, truly justifies all of the hard days and nights, and time spent hooked up to a pump. The struggle will not be my memory. The satisfaction of being "Mommy" will be.

Addendum

Addendum to New Year's Resolutions:

Take more pictures (get new camera to make picture taking more fun)

That is all, well, I still have that goal list from way back when, which needs reviewing.... good luck with that one!

New Year's Resolutions, version 2013

So, it worked really well last year to have a one-word resolution that carried over into every aspect of my lie. That resolution, "de-clutter", was awesome, like a year long life motto. I applied it to my home, career, relationships, everything. I scaled back on spending time with some "toxic friends." I ignored a lot of office drama. I let go of some community volunteer work that had become more stressful than rewarding. I still don't have my home completely in order, but I don't know that any working new mom does. And I found yet another similarity between my husband and father-in-law: pack rat.

This year, my mantra is "be present".

Explanation: I am a very task-motivated, goal-oriented, busy person. I don't sit idle for very long, if ever. I know that drove Scott nuts when we first married. He would get home and sit down to eat and then watch TV and relax. I would serve up dinner, sit and eat briefly, then get up to tidy the kitchen, finish a load of laundry, sort through the mail, work on a project, you name it. I've always been like this. I do it in social situations, too (like at church), never enjoying taking the time to visit, but ready to get out the door and on to the next thing. Now I am catching myself doing it with the precious few minutes I have each day with Coleman. I run into the next room to change out the laundry instead of playing with him. I check facebook while I'm nursing instead of soaking in his soft skin, cotton-top hair, and liquid blue eyes. I ignore his whining for a few minutes while I get dressed instead of picking him up and savoring this short period of time when he does want to be held and is going through some separation anxiety.

Am I teaching him that getting things done is more important that spending time together? Am I teaching him independence or loosing his trust that I will be there for him no matter what? Am I encouraging him to be a loner instead of interacting with others? How many opportunities for conversation, cuddling, a quick kiss or two, relaxing together have I missed with Scott and how has that affected my marriage (not that I think it's had a negative impact, but how much better could things be)?

This lesson is taught in the Bible, and I've always balked at it's message. Jesus is welcomed into the home of two sisters, Mary and Martha. Martha sets out to serve her road weary travelers, Mary sits at Jesus's feet and takes it all in, not helping with the preparations. When Martha complains, Jesus flat out tells her that Mary is the one who has chosen correctly. "And Jesus^[l] answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.' " Luke 10:41. I have always backed Martha. Maybe her love language is acts of service? And wasn't she being more like the Proverbs 31 wife, providing and showing good old fashioned Southern hospitality? I always compare Mary to.... this girl I know..... that at family gatherings sits around and visits while the rest of us set the table, fill glasses, and prepare all the food. This I find highly irritating......

I know that I'm not in Jesus's actual, physical presence, and no one has been for 2000 years, so this scenario doesn't literally apply. BUT, what if, by taking time to actually listen, interact, get to know someone, and just enjoy the moment, I learn something about Jesus's character, His love for others, compassion, humanity? You never saw Jesus doing something, other than teaching, healing, and being with his followers. How much stronger will my relationships be with my husband, son, friends, church family, and coworkers? Will I be more relaxed, move at a slower pace? That's the idea.

Soooo..... I'm still a busy working mom. I still want to strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman. And I still don't like just sitting around. But I am going to try. And, ironically, and being the goal driven woman that I am, I have an outline to help me stay on track:
1. When Coleman and Scott are home with me (and not asleep or doing their own thing), I will limit the amount of housework I do (like change out laundry here and there), not play on my phone or computer, and make a conscious effort to play, talk, and love on them.
2. I will attempt to get all pertinent housework and cooking done in the time between when Coleman goes to bed and Scott gets home.
3. I will stick around to visit (and I mean really visit) after church or at family gatherings or during other events.
4. I will ease up on mentally running through my to-do list all the time and actually listen and pay attention to what is going on around me.
5. I will get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning to get dressed and get organized so that when Coleman wakes I can give him my undivided attention, instead of plopping him down to play by himself while I get ready and run around.
6. We will go on more outings as a family, from trips to the park to travelling to visit friends and family.
7. Scott and I will start eating dinner at the table again.
8. Be more intentional in worship, prayer, and Bible study [God gets to be in on this one, too ;) ]

You get the idea. Anyone that knows me can see where this challenge may take me a whole year (or whole lifetime) to master. Slow down, enjoy the journey, build relationships instead of being known for being busy. Ready, set, go!!!!

Blogs that MUST be written....

Coleman...... so many blogs about Coleman

Christmas 2012

New Year's Resolutions

Exciting Possibilities

Home Improvements