Toes

For the past month, it has been Coleman's number one goal in life to get his toes in his mouth. See??

Today, I arrived at my MIL's house to be told, "Well, Momma, he got 'em!" He had managed to get his big toe in his mouth and suck on it without holding on to his foot with his hands. Reportedly, he smiled so big at his accomplishment that it fell out of his mouth- such a silly little guy!

Another day spent paying more attention to a stranger's pet than my own son. Another day when someone else gets to spend more waking hours a day with my child than I do and feeds him a bottle more times than he nurses. Another milestone that I was waiting for my child to reach and someone else got to steal that moment from me.

Sleep Training "Success"

We've been sleep training this week...

Let me give you some background first: Coleman has always nursed himself to sleep. Even as a newborn, he would drift off, then fall off, then wake up, fuss and re-latch himself and start all over again. Consequently, I've been the only one who could put him down to sleep at our house. Somehow, at Suzan's house and at daycare and out in public, he'll fall asleep with rocking or swaying, but come time for bed or nap time at home, he has to 'suck to soothe'.

So, we were getting some sleep, but I was getting pretty tired. I figured out how to nurse laying down, which led to co-sleeping for naps, which led to co-sleeping at night, which meant a great night's sleep for Coleman, but Scott and I would wake up stiff and sore and not at all well-rested. Also, if I wasn't home at bedtime, he couldn't fall asleep and would end up severely over-tired.

I asked my pediatrician if he was old enough for sleep training and she said yes, that given his strong attachment to me and his strong association with nursing to fall asleep that the Ferber method would be best. This is a kind of "crying it out" with progressive waiting without picking him up if he's okay to teach him to fall asleep on his own. It sounds harsh, but it's harder on Momma than on the baby. Dr. Lovette also warned that her baby cried for FIVE HOURS the first night.

So here we go: at bed time the first night he cried for an hour, and then slept for 5 before waking up to eat, but went back to sleep on his own after crying for only 20 minutes. It's gotten easier each night with maybe only 10 minutes of crying each night at bedtime and going right back to sleep after a feeding or diaper change. The past two nights, he's gotten 12 hours of sleep (aside from brief wakings to eat) which is appropriate for an infant his age.

7 pm to 7 am. Perfect. Unless you realize that he gets dropped off at the sitter's at 7:45 and not picked up until 5:30 or a little later. Unless you realize that Scott leaves the house at 6 am and never gets home before 8 pm. I get about 2 hours with my baby, Scott hasn't seen him in 2 days. I knew this time was coming, but I was dreading it. I know that we're doing what's best for him, but honestly, I hate with every fiber of my being that I dont't get to spend more time with him.

Then there's the 'what-ifs'. What if he becomes more attached to the sitter than to us? What if he forgets who we are (especially Scott)? What if we miss every milestone from here on out? What if we're dissolving all of those special attachments and binding time and security that co-sleeping provided? What if my milk supply drops because he's not there to stimulate production all night? I feel so selfish to want to keep him awake longer, and then I feel selfish for getting him to bed early because it gives me some much needed time to get chores done, take sometime for myself and get some decent sleep.

So yes, sleep training has worked well, and I have a very happy baby in the mornings, but at a bigger cost to Scott and myself than I could have imagined. I think that's why I put it off so long and held on to being 'the only one' as long as I could. Like so many other things in our life right now, it's a catch 22. I suppose we'll muddle our way through this, too. I just hope we don't miss out on too much.

Goals

Well, it's goal-setting time again. For the past 4.5 months I've hidden myself away in survival mode, struggling to make it through each day, then fall asleep, exhausted, to fitfully 'nap' through the night, only to wake up early and do it all over again. Every new mom knows how I feel, especially working moms. Every last drop of energy that is not used up at work gets squeezed into those precious few hours each evening with my amazing gift from God. I can't remember a time in my life when I've felt more scattered, less organized, and completely worn out, with more responsibilities looming on my to-do list.


No more. The goals set below are designed to help me strike a balance between the old me and the new "Mommy." This written goal technique worked really well for me in 2011. We're half way through '12, so it's high time I re-vamp!


In no particular order:


1. Paint and finish decorating one room in the house each month until done. Obviously, decorating and furniture rearranging is a constantly changing thing, but I've got to come to some sort of end point before moving forward with another project.


2. Have all boxes unpacked (or re-packed) by the end of the summer. This includes moving all of our belongings from both storage sheds to our new house and going through them. I think I'll make that the official end of Summer, in September.


3. Spend some time each day excercising, be it a brisk walk, working in the yard, weights or Pilates. To spare my milk supply, I think I'll stay away from any super intense cardio, although an elliptical machine may not be out of the question. Explanation: breast feeding burns about 500 Calories a day, so my intake needs to be somewhere around 2500-2700 a day. Because I struggle with maintaining my supply, it seems risky to burn too many calories and try to loose weight.


4. Breastfeed Coleman for one year. For so many reasons, breastmilk is best and recommended instead of cow's milk until one year of age. Because I work [more than] full time, this is a struggle, but I'm determined enough to make it happen. Specifically, by next week, I hope to provide him with three 4.5 ounce bottles daily, and in three week's time, three 5 ounce feedings. How's that for a measurable goal?


5. Get Coleman's sleep schedule under control. Not only does the poor guy have to work around me for his eating schedule, but he has to rely on us for bedtime as well. Again, with my on call schedule so erratic, it can really throw him off. By the time he is 5 months old, we will have a very established bed time and routine. The biggest challenge will be to have him follow it with someone other than me, since he relies on nursing to fall asleep.


6. Dig stickers out of the yard. Sort of a goal, sort of a to-do, but we've got to get them out of the yard!!! They are located in the largest, most open section of the yard that I had hoped to make Coleman's play area. I am launching an all-out war on the evil little things, and I WILL WIN!!!!!


7. Read the Bible or a devotional and spend time in prayer and worship every day. This seems more important now, not only because I'm a mom, but also because I rarely get the chance to study and worship with my congregation (because I'm a mom). I sing all manners of church songs to Coleman when I'm getting him down for the night and pray over him an dpraise God for him, but not every night and not with purpose.


8. As always, make it a daily goal to be a loving and devoted wife to Scott. This has been more challenging as of late because we are both so tired and busy and have a lot going on. We also have a somewhat uncertain future professionally, so we're both feeling a bit unsettled and up in the air.


9. Keep a cleaner house and cook more. One the one hand, I'm kinda too busy for this; one the other, I'm a slacker. Via Pinterest, I have found all of these wonderful cleaning schedules, so while my house may not be immaculate all the time, it won't be several weeks before I finally get around to cleaning the bathroom. Also, I need to get back to planning weekly menus and shopping ahead of time. If I can accomplish Goal Number 5, it will be much easier to cook dinner for Scott, have lunches and snacks on hand, and, bonus, save some money.


Finally, and maybe this should be Number 1:


10. Find a way to carve out 30 minutes each week for myself. Be it a pedicure, soak in the bathtub, sitting on the porch with some lemonade and a magazine, or a haircut, MAKE TIME FOR MYSELF.


That should do it. I'll try to check back in each month with updates.

4 months

My, oh, my!!

My dear, sweet Mr. Coleman,

You are incredible! You never cease to amaze me with your new tricks, super social personality, and overall awesomeness!

Your stats today:
13 pounds, 1 ounce, 5-15% for weight
25 3/4 inches long, 50% for height
5% for head circumference

Looks like you are going to be tall and lanky like your daddy, with my small head! Maybe you'll be a track star like him, I'm sure he'd love that!

You love: watching Ali and Matty run around, playing with your cell phone, elephant, puppy, and lamb, the soother seal on our cell phones, the baby in the mirror, watching TV, especially old Westerns and shows with lots of music, being outside, nursing yourself to sleep, other kids, ceiling fans, being naked and bathtime.

You hate: the carseat, naps, teething, pacifiers, being left alone, and changing clothes.

Your discoveries: your hands, toes, and hair, how to change the setting on the soother seal, trees, how to suck on your tongue and fingers, raising your right eyebrow, Lively style!

Your skills: holding up your head extremely well and following things around the room, sitting up (might be on accident), rolling over from tummy to back, talking and singing, squealing, supporting your weight on your legs, smiling and laughing (especially at Auntie K).

You are growing up so fast little boy! I love, love, love watching you explore your world, but I want time to slow down a bit (or a lot!) so we can savor each moment.