Maybe Baby?

Okay, once again, I meant to write this on Monday, September 12th, but as always, I got busy and got behind.....

So, Monday I was sitting at the desk up front and was working on the computer. My belt was really low- slung across my hips and the way I had sat down made it really tight across my slightly puffy, really firm lower abdomen. I noticed a feeling like someone poking my in the abdomen from inside.....

Now, either this was the baby kicking/punching or my really weird intestines (i.e. gas) making yet another strange and inappropriate gurgling. I couldn't say for sure- I've never felt it, so obviously I don't know what I'm feeling for. In my head, I'm thinking that the 3 oz. that the baby weighs couldn't possibly poke my uterus that hard. But, I've seen it make some pretty strong movements, so maybe now it weighs enough to make an impact, especially when I had it "trapped" like that with my belt. So just in case that was what it was, it is now recorded for posterity. We shall see.... ; )

In other news, yes, I know that my blog is seriously deficient in pictures. As soon as I get Scott to pose with his b-day present (from 2 weeks ago) and I get him to take a belly picture of me (should've been done once a month since the beginning), they will be posted.

Fears

Tonight I was innocently house shopping and I got totally blindsided. Think T-boned, rear-ended and a head-on collision all in one. Fear sent me down a very scary, tear-filled path.

Questions flooded my mind: Where are we going to live? Who will I find that is willing to keep a 6 week old when I go back to work? How are we ever going to have time to be great parents or even just raise this baby? How are we going to afford this baby and the million other things we need to pay for? Why does it feel like even though we've done everything right, we can't catch a break or a breather? What made us think that we were ready for this?

Then of course, guilt set in hard and made it all worse. Who was I to shun this blessing that God has entrusted us with? Had He ever left us all alone before? Didn't I realize that Scott and a million other family members, friends, and church members would be there to help me? Hadn't I been blessed enough?

Through it all, the words of a song I must've learned in Jr. High kept pouring over and over in my mind. I think God blesses us with a spirit of remembrance just when we need it most. Somehow, it gave me the courage to stand up, stop crying, and forget (almost) all of that doubt, worry, anxiety, and fear.

When you pass, through the water, I will be with you
And the waves, they will not overtake you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the fire, I will be with you
And the flames, they will not overcome you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name, you are mine.

For I am the Lord your God.
I am the holy one of Israel, your Savior.
For I am the Lord your God.
I am the holy one of Israel, your Savior.

I am the Lord.
Do not fear.

[Taken from the text of Isaiah 43:1-3a]