Sad Day

Sorry for the bummer of a post, but I can't begin to tell you the impact that this event has had in my life.

On Friday, February 25th, I lost my dear dog, Pepper.

I had Pepper for 7 years. That's a good chunk of my life and a lot has happened in those 7 years. He's been with me as a vet student, so I learned a lot with him. He was with me as a single girl out on my own and provided lots of companionship. He was with us as our "child" through our first year of marriage.

Pepper was MY dog. He loved people and other dogs and he and Scott took quite a few naps together, but he was always my baby. I didn't realize how much a part of my life he was until he was gone. I think I grew especially attached to him since being married. Scott is never home when I get there and I can't tell you how lonely it is at home now without Pepper. He was there to greet me by jumping up, wanting to be petted, jumping up in my lap and following me all over the house. I talked to him all the time and played and just relaxed with him. He was always so happy to see me, like he'd waited all day just to see me and "tell" me about his day. He needed me and no matter how bad he was (which wasn't really that bad) he made me smile and made my life better. There aren't too many people you can say that about.

The first few days after he was gone, I'd wait to hear the sound of him jumping at the door to be let in or out. I'd drop something on the floor in the kitchen and expect him to be right there to clean up after me. I'd start to say something to a dog that wasn't there. I'd start to ask Scott if he'd let Pepper in for the night. I put all of his "belongings" in a pile by the door, but just can't get up the strength to take them out to storage.

There were lots of tears, still are. I think what comforted me the most (and made me feel like less of a pathetic mess) was that Scott was really sad about it too. I went to the barn to tell him and his voice cracked and his eyes welled up with tears. He buried him under the tree with all of the other dairy dogs for me. He came home that night and cried with me and held me and said he missed him, too. This is our first real loss as a couple.

So now our house is just kind of empty and lonely. I'm a vet without a pet. I didn't realize how much he meant to me. I hope that this event helps relieve some of my "compassion fatigue" as a veterinarian and makes me a more caring individual.

Scott's Grandpa brought me some "In Sympathy" flowers, the following week- how sweet is that?