Fears

Tonight I was innocently house shopping and I got totally blindsided. Think T-boned, rear-ended and a head-on collision all in one. Fear sent me down a very scary, tear-filled path.

Questions flooded my mind: Where are we going to live? Who will I find that is willing to keep a 6 week old when I go back to work? How are we ever going to have time to be great parents or even just raise this baby? How are we going to afford this baby and the million other things we need to pay for? Why does it feel like even though we've done everything right, we can't catch a break or a breather? What made us think that we were ready for this?

Then of course, guilt set in hard and made it all worse. Who was I to shun this blessing that God has entrusted us with? Had He ever left us all alone before? Didn't I realize that Scott and a million other family members, friends, and church members would be there to help me? Hadn't I been blessed enough?

Through it all, the words of a song I must've learned in Jr. High kept pouring over and over in my mind. I think God blesses us with a spirit of remembrance just when we need it most. Somehow, it gave me the courage to stand up, stop crying, and forget (almost) all of that doubt, worry, anxiety, and fear.

When you pass, through the water, I will be with you
And the waves, they will not overtake you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the fire, I will be with you
And the flames, they will not overcome you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name, you are mine.

For I am the Lord your God.
I am the holy one of Israel, your Savior.
For I am the Lord your God.
I am the holy one of Israel, your Savior.

I am the Lord.
Do not fear.

[Taken from the text of Isaiah 43:1-3a]