Overwhelmed

Well, this is not the way I envisioned this post to go.

Explanation: Yesterday and Wednesday, I was composing a post in my head to tell you all about our new home. Wednesday, we made an offer and signed a contract on a really cute, older farm house with 4 acres and a barn about a mile and a half from the dairy. It's a 3 bed/2 bath house with a larger kitchen and a lot of potential to make it our very own (read: it needed leveling and some cosmetic work, but we were actually excited about it). Of course, I had it all fixed up and decorated in my head and had day-dreams about raising our family in our home. To make a long story short, through a series of events, we found out that the owners flip houses cheaply and poorly and the inspection found so many more things that were majorly wrong with the house (roof, pluming, etc.) that we have pretty much decided to not buy the house. Fortunately, we put a "pending inspection" clause in our contract, so we should get back our earnest money (fingers crossed).

So now what? Well, the options are:
1. Make do where we are (less than 500 square feet)
2. Find another house to buy or rent
3. Move a mobile home or build on some land that Scott's parents may deed to us (that was thrown out there this morning, not really a possibility yet)
4. Trade houses with either Kenton and Suzan or Grandpa- not wild about the idea of displacing his family from their homes

So yes, we have a few options. And yes, we are very blessed to have a home currently and can try to fit a baby and all his stuff in it for a few months with some very creative re-arranging. I keep telling myself to stop crying and stop throwing a fit and have faith that something will work out and it will all be okay. I'm pretty sure Scott thinks I'm ridiculous for crying so much about it. I know, I got my hopes up, but everything was going just perfectly and I'd done so much to get all the stuff to bank and the title company and it was all going to come together just in time to move in before the baby got here. I was looking forward to bringing my son home to a permanent place, with a space of his own and an nursery and room for us to live as a family. Again, I sound like I'm whining, but I don't know how to tell you how cramped we are already, how easily the house looks like a tornado hit it, and how I can't even begin to imagine cramming all the stuff we need for a baby into the house- and forget finding a place for baby bottles, even.

To say the very least, I'm very disappointed. I think because I know that this isn't what's in our very best interest, even though we wanted it to be and I needed it to be because I need that security. And Becca's I have this ticking clock in my belly and desperately need to be settled before it goes off. And because I know that Scott and I are the most cautious people I know and will never take a chance like this. Sometimes I think we're too cautious, maybe to a fault, as in, a lack of faith that it will be fine if we just go for it.

I'm overwhelmed. I have no sense of direction and I'm back at square one. I hate feeling this completely lost with zero guidance and not knowing what's best for us. Soooo much is about to change and I hate not being able to even imagine how things are going to work. As always, Scott just says, "it will all work out" and while I know he's disappointed too, and that he does care, he has more faith (or just less worry). I know all of this, but from him, it comes out as indifference.

So the plan is, for this weekend, to just try to forget about it and start fresh on Tuesday. Scott is headed to meet up with some college friends and I am going to tackle what nesting-type projects I can and then spend New Years with my cousin and her family. Settle down. Breathe. Refocus..... Ready..... Break!

Baby Doc Visit

The whole family went to see Dr. Kyle today. :)

So far, so good. Starting with momma- I had my glucose tolerance test last time and I am definitely not diabetic (as in, my glucose was almost too low). Blood pressure, pulse, uterine growth, and weight gain are all okay. I kinda got a little off on my weight gain last month (umm.... can we say it's the holidays at Cross Timbers?) but managed to only gain one pound in the last two weeks. My total gain is still right on track though. And I'll nurse, so it should come right off quickly. I started back to the gym last week and found that I am not nearly as flexible as I was even a month ago and that my pelvis is, well, achy. My good friend, Jolena, gave me a pregnancy yoga video and a workout video, so that should help. And, my after work schedule and on call schedule should slow down now, so I'll have more time to take care of myself. I had a little bit of a panic moment last week, but everything is fine now, no need to worry. Otherwise, I'm doing well. A little more heartburn, a little more insomnia, a little less energy, a little more uncomfortable, and I need new scrub tops. I am pretty much on small animal duty from here on out except in emergencies and will most likely call for back-up after hours, much to the relief of my husband.

Our baby (affectionately known as "Lawrence" at CTVH), is doing great as well. We got to see an ultrasound today. It's just amazing how much he changes and develops each time we look at him. First of all, yes, definitely still a boy- much to Scott's relief!! He is head down and likely to stay that way- much to my relief!! We were able to see his heart beat (4 chambers) and the pulse in his aorta and umbilical artery. We also got a really great look at his face- you could see his eyelids moving, his fat cheeks, his fat lips (thanks, Mom & Dad!) were making sweet little sucking movements, and we're pretty sure he has Scott's nose- it's quite prominent! We was snuggled in for a nap and had one fist under his chin and one up on his cheek. Dr. Kyle tried to snap a picture of him- but turns out he is just as photogenic as his parents. Hopefully in real life he'll be a little less camera shy.

We are at 30 weeks, 3 days, for a grand total of 70 days- eek! He measures about 18 inches and weighs about 3 pounds. Dr. Kyle thinks he'll be around 7 to 7 1/2 pounds and doesn't see any reason for any complications to arise. He has gotten his sleep/wake cycles down and if they stay that way, I'll be up much later each night than I am now. He gets the hiccups quite frequently. More than kicking, which he still does, he's become very squirmy and stretches out. His latest trick is to stretch his foot out and I can feel his heel. In fact, I think I'm getting a bruise on my belly right where he pushes out. Not a big deal, but it amuses me!

I just realized I already sound like a proud Momma :)

Merry Christmas!!

Months ago, I had this great plan to take a beautiful Christmas picture with Scott and our sweet Baby Bump in front of the tree and send it out as a Christmas card, also to double as a "We're pregnant" announcement to those that might not know. However.... this plan quickly fell apart because we had a hard time finding a time when we were both dressed up and could find someone to take our picture. Also, it took me a long time to get the tree up and decorated. And then there's the fact that Scott and I may be the very least photogenic people I know. Honestly, we took maybe 15 pictures and don't like any of them. [Scott wasn't digging the whole posing for picture-taking thing, obviously]. Oh, and I decided that between both of us working more that full time, selling the land, buying a house, and being 6 months pregnant, that, well, I had enough going on and that cards were just not a high priority. We decided to wait and save the money on an official birth announcement and take pictures of just our sweet baby boy. So, here's our attempt at our first family Christmas picture. Sorry you don't have one of your very own to have and to hold and hang on your fridge. And especially to those of you that sent me a card, sorry to not reciprocate!

Merry Christmas!!

From Scott, Sara,

& Baby Holloway

Expecting great things in 2012!! 

Holiday Traditions

Our first Christmas, Scott & I decided to make a new family tradition that was all our own. We had a Lowe's gift card left from our wedding and needed a full sized Christmas tree. When we got there, we decided to buy a real tree (total cost after gift certificate, $1.39). This was nothing new for Scott, but it was my first real tree and it was such a perfect tree- symmetrical, full, green, the needles didn't fall off the first week like I thought they would, and it made our house smell soooo great. I had bought a bunch of Holstein ornaments and surprised him with them while we were decorating our tree. He has an Aggie train and we set it up with a snowy tree skirt, cute trees, and a dairy barn that we found on sale.

So, now, each year we go pick out a real tree, eat at CiCi's afterwards (don't ask), and come home and set it up and decorate it. Well, mostly I decorate it. Scott is in charge of keeping it watered. I saw a cute idea on Pinterest where a couple had saved the bottom part of the trunk of their Christmas trees for each year they had been married and wrote the year and something significant about that year (baby's first Christmas, etc.) We are going to start that this year and Scott says our tree from last year is out in the back 40 so he's going to get a slice of that trunk as well (we may fib and cut an extra for our first year.) 

Here are a few of our other Christmas decorations. I didn't decorate as much this year because, well, 1. I'm pregnant and tired, and 2. we're about to move.

I love collecting small, ornamental Christmas trees.
I'd have them everywhere if I could.

Image from my front door. My mother made the Nativity out of
plaster of Paris when she was in college and passed it down
to me a few years ago. Quite possibly my very favorite decoration-
so beautiful in it's simplicity.

Homemade Christmas stockings- The "P" is for Pepper, and those
are fire hydrants if you can't tell. One "S" for Scott and one for me-
his has airplanes and mine has music notes.

New way to display an old favorite. My super crafty Auntie Linda
handmade all of these cards. This year, I put them under
the glass of my coffee table to sort of "frame" them and keep them safe.