Relationships

I knew that having a baby would change my relationships with people in some way, but I was by no means ready for the magnitude of that change. Some are subtle changes, like how I'm more understanding and sympathize more with strangers that have children or appreciate unasked for courtesies and kindnesses. Others are much more dramatic:

With friends: It depends on the friend. If they have children, young or old, it's like we're friends on a whole different level. I have a new understanding of their world- how all-consuming, overwhelming, and at times, gut-wrenching parenthood is. If they don't have friends, there is now a separation. Gone are the carefree shopping trips or impromptu movie nights, and they don't understand exactly why. The friends who have recently had babies are the best- they just get us. They know why we have to leave suddenly and why it takes days to return e-mails or phone calls. They are sounding boards for things like feeding and sleeping issues. Oh, and they have hand-me-downs and sage advice!

With family: I think we now understand how much our parents love us. It's come full circle. We can instantly brighten their day with a picture of or story about Coleman. The great-grandparents just beam when he's around and it's hard to not make him the center of attention. He has been such a blessing!

With myself: I'm not sure how to describe this one. Where I used to be so organized and a perfectionist, I can't remember the simplest things like "shut the closet door so Ali doesn't get in the laundry basket." I've always been very goal oriented, but right now my priorities center around getting what needs done today finished and ready for tomorrow. I'm very hard on myself, but I'm having to learn to cut myself some slack. I have realized how selfish I was B.C. (before Coleman) and how self-less I still need to become. Somewhere in that pendulum I do need to learn to make time for myself. My goal this week is to treat myself to a soak in our nice new very deep and wide bathtub. Here's hoping.
With Scott: This is the most shocking change. Having Coleman has united us in ways that I never dreamed of. Our marriage now has a purpose higher than honoring and loving each other. Our goal now is to live as an example and to raise this child of God into a servant. We are his example of how to live as Christians. We are his example of a loving, working marriage. Scott is his example of a father and husband. I am to display the qualities he should search for in a mate. It is an awesome responsibility, a bit overwhelming at times. And together we are a team. When I'm tired and at my wits end, he's there to soothe our crying child. When he's not sure what to do, I have the answer. I have fallen more in love with that man than I knew I could. To see him with our baby warms and softens my heart like butter. Even though we are exhausted and spend precious little time alone together, we are closer and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

With God: You know that whole Father-Child aspect of having a relationship with God? I always got the "Child" part of it, but now I think I'm beginning to understand how He loves us as a parent, as the Father. I'm sure as time goes on and Coleman grows up and makes his own choices I'll understand it even more. Additionally, I've always grown closer to God during times of trial, and if this isn't one, then I don't know what is. There are those times when you just plead and beg that he goes to sleep and that you somehow find the strength to go on. The other extreme is that moment when I am holding that sweet sleeping (or laughing) perfect angel and just praise God for making him just for us to care for and love. And there's every second in between, when you just aren't sure of yourself and need a little guidance and hope and pray and have faith that what you are doing is the right thing. Let go and let God.

My New Year's resolution was to "de-clutter" everything. I definitely am working towards that goal in this area of my life. Bring on the next 6 months!