Re-birthday

Today is my 3rd Rebirthday.

Although raised in church my entire life, I have only known real life for 3 years. Crazy. It's not that I hadn't made a commitment to follow God before that. I did, in the 3rd grade, at VBS, at my grandparents church. Then I was baptized a few weeks later by Dr. Majors at FBC Menard. So what's the story? Why do you only consider yourself a Christian these past few years?

Well, it goes something like this:
1) I'm not so sure that, as an 8 year old, I fully knew what I was doing. I just knew that God was the Lord and Saviour of my life, that He created heaven and hell, and that if I wanted to go to heaven I was to follow Him. Following Him meant that I prayed with the VBS leader, I got baptized as a symbol of my decision to be raised in Christ a new creation, and I was supposed to live a good life according to the Bible. And I did all of that. Some might say (and who's to say they're wrong) that it takes that kind of simple child-like faith to become a Christian- and to a point I can't argue that. But, I'm not so sure that an 8 year old can make a serious life-time commitment to follow and yeild your life to Christ. For me, personally, I believe that I was a child that loved to do what was right and what I was told to do. So I followed the rules.

Over the years, I learned there is more to it than that. I learned that there are other denominations and congregations out there besides baptists and I learned that baptists do a few things that are not "by the book." I learned that being a Christian is so much more than following the rules. Yes, you do what is right and do what the book says to do. But you also have to develop relationships, the most important of which is with your heavenly Father and Brother. Then you have to develop relationships within your church as your family of believers. Then you develop relationships with those around you in the world as a Christian child/spouse/co-worker/student, etc. And then I even realized you have to develop a special relationship with yourself to dedicate your life and make personal changes in your life as a Christian. You have to change who you are.

I learned how to do these things over the years, but neglected one other essential part of my relationship with Christ. I never studied. Oh, I went to church and loved my small groups and read all kinds of books (mostly on being a great single Christian woman), but as a professional student, I'm trained to listen or read something, memorize it and spit it back as rote memory. I never questioned what I was taught or read. I was a student, studying to get all the answers right on the test. I didn't realize that what it takes is actually research.

Three years ago I graduated and moved to Bowie. I met wonderful friends through my now-beloved church family. One person challenged me to actually study salvation and the reasons behind baptism in particular. I did study, but not with him. I was dating him and knew that I didn't want the reason for change to be over "just some guy." So I studied with other friends, did a lot of reading of the Bible, the source, and prayed. It was scary to challenge what I'd been taught and what my entire family accepted as truth. I made a decision to be "re-baptized" and followed through on October 23rd, 2007.

Why? The Bible says, "one baptism". Yes, but the first time I did it was because someone told me to and I complied because adults were telling I needed to. To be fair, I met with the pastor beforehand and he asked me all kinds of questions and I gave him the right answers (because I was that kind of kid). This time, I was baptized out of obedience to my heavenly Father, because I wanted to do what He told me to do. I'm still not as spiritually mature as I need to be (who is?), but I'm growing, and now I get to grow with that same man that challenged me to grow 3 years ago. Happy Birthday to Me!! :)

Calluses

“You can read quite a story in the calluses and lines….” ~ Holly Dunn

This is going to sound strange, but I like the calluses on my husband’s hands. Some women would pull away from a hand that was rough and scratchy, but it serves to remind me that Scott works so hard to provide for his family, and for me. The calluses at the junction between his palm and his fingers are from driving the tractor to mow, rake, bail, haul, or put out hay for the cows. The ones between his thumb and forefinger are from stripping milk out of the teats of hundreds of cows a day; all of this from hard labor. Somehow, I don’t mind when I hold his hand and I can feel the hard knots. I don’t mind the scratchy-ness when he caresses my face. He loves me, he loves his lifestyle, and he is blessed to be able to work hard. And I love him for it.

Waiting not so patiently

I am so near the end of a process I started in April I can hardly stand it!! I applied for a government loan repayment program for veterinarians that are willing to serve in “underserviced” areas of the country. There is currently a severe shortage of cow vets in this country, so this is the governments answer, bribery. It’s actually not a bad deal and my clinic just so happens to be in one of those underserviced areas!! They will repay up to (key phrase) $25,000 a YEAR for a minimum contract of 3 years service, and you can serve for more than that. I spent a month or so tracking down and documenting all of my vet school loans (eek! Did I really borrow that much!!), getting recommendations, carefully writing a personal statement, and double checking everything in my application. Last I heard was on July 14th confirming that they had received my entire application and that it had entered the review process. They are supposed to let me know by EMAIL (who sends out such important info by email???) by September 30th. Twelve more days…..

Had I never heard of this program, I wouldn’t have missed it. Yes, I would have spent 8-10 more years automatically shunting 1/3 of my take home pay to student loans, but I carefully budgeted for that and am not going hungry. But now that I’ve done 1 million calculations in my head about how it may be possible to be debt free in as little as 4 years, I’m going to be devastated if I don’t get the award.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the money. There is so much more at stake. First of all, if the debt is paid off that soon, it would be a really great opportunity to only work part time for a few years and get to be a mommy. This is something I never ever thought of while I was in school, but haunts me now. How in the world are Scott and I going to have enough time to properly raise a family. A constant question. Second, and this is the biggie, whether or not I get the award has become “the sign” as to if we should stay here at CTVH and the dairy or move on and start a new life of our own. HUGE decision and it’s all weighing on the government of the United States- great!

Why would we move, you ask? Well, at the beginning of the year, neither one of us was really satisfied with our jobs. I was in a slump and am now out of it. Scott loves the dairy lifestyle, but finds that Twin Oaks lacks in efficiency, technology, and profitability. All major, well-founded concerns. We had made a deal back in January that if we both weren’t happy by the end of the year, we would leave. As it currently stands, I am happy and Scott is miserable. If I get the money, that becomes a huge incentive to stay. “No, you can keep your $75,000 of free money!” Not so much. But at the same time, it’s not fair to make Scott continue to be unhappy for 3 more years if I get the money.

So you see where I might be lacking in the patience department…..