Submission & Forbearance

Submit: to yeild oneself to the authority or will of another

Forbearance: a refraining from the enforcement of something (as a debt, right, or obligation) that is due

These words have been thrown at me for several months now. I do believe I will be learning their true meaning for the rest of my marriage, but I got a crash course earlier this month.

When I really think of submission, I think of letting Scott make all the big decisions, letting him be the leader (spiritually or otherwise), and yeilding to his whims when it comes to things like dinner or plans. I think this is part of it, but I feel like I'm missing the bigger picture.

Forbearance makes me think of Dr. Ward's favorite quote, "Don't sweat the petty stuff". It means keeping no record of wrongs, being forgiving, like the master who forgave his servant's debts. I have a bigger problem with this one. I get frustrated when I come home and he hasn't done anything to help around the house, like put away the clean dishes or rinse out his milk glass or leaving mud on the floor.

So, first big hurdle in our marriage: low job satisfaction on both our parts. For me, it was being treated unfairly at work by being expected to perform but not being scheduled business and then being blind-sided by my bosses with a confrontation about my poor attitude. For Scott- he has tons of knowledge and a huge desire to implement ideas, but when it comes to implementing those ideas and making improvements, there is no capital and little cooperation.

While tossing around ideas (relocation being one of them) we decided we could either give up and gamble to find something else or tough it out. This is the part where my husband really proved his integrity:

1. He got angry for me. He was mad and upset and disappointed with me. He defended me (not in my bosses faces, but it meant so much to me).

2. He laid out our options. He honestly wanted to know what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, what kind of practice I wanted to be a part of. He didn't immediately try to fix things.

3. He earnestly wanted to pray for us. This was the first time in our marriage that we actually prayed together for ourselves, for something specific, for His divine guidance and we try to figure out what we were supposed to be doing with our lives. More than just your run-of-the-mill "thank you for this day. bless this meal to the nurishment of our bodies" prayer. Earnest. Heartfelt. Genuine. Real. Since then we have prayed every night as a couple for specific things.

4. He told me that we just have to make the best of it, for now. We have to push through with a good attitude. And we have to keep our options open.

It amazes me how these trials bring us closer together and closer to God. I love it. I was so overwhelmed to see my husband as that man- strong and leading me. It made me trust him more and made it easier for me to submit and forbear- not that I'm perfect in that department- but it made me want to improve definately. Looking forward to more trials to make our relationship stronger....