The Unknown

Anyone that knows me (or knew me while I was in school) knows that I am a planner extraordinaire. Ever since jr. high, I've known what at least the next 4 years of my life would involve. In high school, I knew I was going to college. In college, I knew I was going to vet school. In vet school, I knew I was going into rural mixed practice somewhere in Texas. I had a PLAN, and I followed through with it, almost stubbornly.

Right now, I don't have a plan, and it is so un-nerving I can't really describe it. We've been married almost two years and are starting to make some real life decisions. Do we move or do we stay here? Do we start a family or wait a while longer? Do we stay here simply because I was fortunate enough to land my dream job right out of school (family friendly, I might add)? Do we buy a house or just wait it out in case we move the dairy? Does Scott get a job somewhere else or in town or stay with the dairy?

I feel kinda lost. This is the first time in my life that I don't know where I'll be next year. I think my awareness of this situation is amplified because none of this is bothering Scott, or at least if it is, he's really great at not letting it get to him (okay, consume him, like it is me). This is the line in the sand where he and I are polar opposites. He can be calm, cool, and collected in almost any situation. I tend to let things gnaw at me under the surface, I chew them up over and over like a cow's cud and then try to figure everything out and put it in a neat little step-by-step package.

Scott: "Everything will be fine and work itself out."

Sara: "First we need to ask this question. Then we need to do this. Then if all of that works out......."

When you get right down to it, I'm not sure if it's just that he's so much more laid back than me or just has way more faith. Or maybe a combination of both. "Be anxious in nothing..." I know God has THE PLAN for our life, and maybe this is a true test of my faith in that plan, but a hint would be really great. A direction to head, a goal, instead of just going through each day not having a freaking clue what's coming up next.

*BIG SIGH*

I'll leave you with a dose of my own medicine: This is the quote at the bottom of my personal emails.

"To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation."
~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest