Re-birthday

Today is my 3rd Rebirthday.

Although raised in church my entire life, I have only known real life for 3 years. Crazy. It's not that I hadn't made a commitment to follow God before that. I did, in the 3rd grade, at VBS, at my grandparents church. Then I was baptized a few weeks later by Dr. Majors at FBC Menard. So what's the story? Why do you only consider yourself a Christian these past few years?

Well, it goes something like this:
1) I'm not so sure that, as an 8 year old, I fully knew what I was doing. I just knew that God was the Lord and Saviour of my life, that He created heaven and hell, and that if I wanted to go to heaven I was to follow Him. Following Him meant that I prayed with the VBS leader, I got baptized as a symbol of my decision to be raised in Christ a new creation, and I was supposed to live a good life according to the Bible. And I did all of that. Some might say (and who's to say they're wrong) that it takes that kind of simple child-like faith to become a Christian- and to a point I can't argue that. But, I'm not so sure that an 8 year old can make a serious life-time commitment to follow and yeild your life to Christ. For me, personally, I believe that I was a child that loved to do what was right and what I was told to do. So I followed the rules.

Over the years, I learned there is more to it than that. I learned that there are other denominations and congregations out there besides baptists and I learned that baptists do a few things that are not "by the book." I learned that being a Christian is so much more than following the rules. Yes, you do what is right and do what the book says to do. But you also have to develop relationships, the most important of which is with your heavenly Father and Brother. Then you have to develop relationships within your church as your family of believers. Then you develop relationships with those around you in the world as a Christian child/spouse/co-worker/student, etc. And then I even realized you have to develop a special relationship with yourself to dedicate your life and make personal changes in your life as a Christian. You have to change who you are.

I learned how to do these things over the years, but neglected one other essential part of my relationship with Christ. I never studied. Oh, I went to church and loved my small groups and read all kinds of books (mostly on being a great single Christian woman), but as a professional student, I'm trained to listen or read something, memorize it and spit it back as rote memory. I never questioned what I was taught or read. I was a student, studying to get all the answers right on the test. I didn't realize that what it takes is actually research.

Three years ago I graduated and moved to Bowie. I met wonderful friends through my now-beloved church family. One person challenged me to actually study salvation and the reasons behind baptism in particular. I did study, but not with him. I was dating him and knew that I didn't want the reason for change to be over "just some guy." So I studied with other friends, did a lot of reading of the Bible, the source, and prayed. It was scary to challenge what I'd been taught and what my entire family accepted as truth. I made a decision to be "re-baptized" and followed through on October 23rd, 2007.

Why? The Bible says, "one baptism". Yes, but the first time I did it was because someone told me to and I complied because adults were telling I needed to. To be fair, I met with the pastor beforehand and he asked me all kinds of questions and I gave him the right answers (because I was that kind of kid). This time, I was baptized out of obedience to my heavenly Father, because I wanted to do what He told me to do. I'm still not as spiritually mature as I need to be (who is?), but I'm growing, and now I get to grow with that same man that challenged me to grow 3 years ago. Happy Birthday to Me!! :)

Calluses

“You can read quite a story in the calluses and lines….” ~ Holly Dunn

This is going to sound strange, but I like the calluses on my husband’s hands. Some women would pull away from a hand that was rough and scratchy, but it serves to remind me that Scott works so hard to provide for his family, and for me. The calluses at the junction between his palm and his fingers are from driving the tractor to mow, rake, bail, haul, or put out hay for the cows. The ones between his thumb and forefinger are from stripping milk out of the teats of hundreds of cows a day; all of this from hard labor. Somehow, I don’t mind when I hold his hand and I can feel the hard knots. I don’t mind the scratchy-ness when he caresses my face. He loves me, he loves his lifestyle, and he is blessed to be able to work hard. And I love him for it.

Waiting not so patiently

I am so near the end of a process I started in April I can hardly stand it!! I applied for a government loan repayment program for veterinarians that are willing to serve in “underserviced” areas of the country. There is currently a severe shortage of cow vets in this country, so this is the governments answer, bribery. It’s actually not a bad deal and my clinic just so happens to be in one of those underserviced areas!! They will repay up to (key phrase) $25,000 a YEAR for a minimum contract of 3 years service, and you can serve for more than that. I spent a month or so tracking down and documenting all of my vet school loans (eek! Did I really borrow that much!!), getting recommendations, carefully writing a personal statement, and double checking everything in my application. Last I heard was on July 14th confirming that they had received my entire application and that it had entered the review process. They are supposed to let me know by EMAIL (who sends out such important info by email???) by September 30th. Twelve more days…..

Had I never heard of this program, I wouldn’t have missed it. Yes, I would have spent 8-10 more years automatically shunting 1/3 of my take home pay to student loans, but I carefully budgeted for that and am not going hungry. But now that I’ve done 1 million calculations in my head about how it may be possible to be debt free in as little as 4 years, I’m going to be devastated if I don’t get the award.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the money. There is so much more at stake. First of all, if the debt is paid off that soon, it would be a really great opportunity to only work part time for a few years and get to be a mommy. This is something I never ever thought of while I was in school, but haunts me now. How in the world are Scott and I going to have enough time to properly raise a family. A constant question. Second, and this is the biggie, whether or not I get the award has become “the sign” as to if we should stay here at CTVH and the dairy or move on and start a new life of our own. HUGE decision and it’s all weighing on the government of the United States- great!

Why would we move, you ask? Well, at the beginning of the year, neither one of us was really satisfied with our jobs. I was in a slump and am now out of it. Scott loves the dairy lifestyle, but finds that Twin Oaks lacks in efficiency, technology, and profitability. All major, well-founded concerns. We had made a deal back in January that if we both weren’t happy by the end of the year, we would leave. As it currently stands, I am happy and Scott is miserable. If I get the money, that becomes a huge incentive to stay. “No, you can keep your $75,000 of free money!” Not so much. But at the same time, it’s not fair to make Scott continue to be unhappy for 3 more years if I get the money.

So you see where I might be lacking in the patience department…..

A day at the dairy

So I think I will rename this blog and try to incorporate more of our lives as they pertain to the dairy. Then again, maybe I won’t. First of all, I don’t have much to do with the dairy. I just stop by nearly every day after work so that I can see Scott for the first time that day and so that I see him before he comes home at 9 that night or later. Occasionally, I will help feed and water calves. My other job is to bring Scott something to drink. Oh, and I’m also the afterhours, mobile bovine pharmacy.

Scott’s life as it pertains to the dairy is much more interesting. He and his dad take turns getting up 3 days in a row to milk cows at 4 am. Other things he does include feed calves in the mornings, put out hay, put out grain, mow, rake, bale, and haul hay, breed cows, take cows to the sale or the processing plant, move heifers from pasture to pasture, clean calf hutches, fix fences, pump out the pit (which is the sexiest thing you ever did see) and anything else that might need doing.

Sounds exhausting, no? You’d be right about that.

Physically: Aches and pains, heat exhaustion, subclinical dehydration, kicks from cattle, milking, driving a tractor for hours on end. My job here is to make sure Scott is hydrated, takes care of himself, has clean clothes, and eats something healthy at the end of the day.

Emotionally: The father/son/employer/employee relationship is not an easy path to wander down. Neither is the husband/wife story. I’m torn every day between demanding myself to be patient (again) and wanting to demand more of Scott as a husband. As I leave the dairy after my daily visits, I am saddened by leaving him and knowing I won’t see him or get to be with him for several more hours and then at the same time so proud of him for following his dream and working hard to keep the dairy alive.

Spiritually: The time I resent the dairy the most is on Sundays and Wednesdays, when it keeps Scott hard and work and doesn’t give him enough time to make it to class, Sunday night services, Wednesday night services and sometimes even Sunday morning worship. I find myself alone at church 3 out of 4 times a week. And I begin to hate the dairy for getting in the way of my husband’s relationship with God. And for getting in the way of our relationship as a family. It’s not just me; Scott hates missing church and hates that I go alone.

I sound like I’m whining, I know. I sound like I’m selfish and just want Scott to myself all the time. But it’s more like I grieve. First for the time we are missing out on learning how to love each other and the time we should be spending together as a couple B.C. Then for how torn my husband and I are between work and family. And finally for the constant stress and confusion we face from all of the above listed factors. So no, not whining, just wondering when we’ll catch a break.

Fall Schedule

Whew! We don’t even have kids yet, so how is it that every weekend between now and the end of October has something planned already??? It makes me tired just thinking about it. Our schedule goes something like this:

August
22- Kathleene speaks at FBC about Bride’s Wearing White
28- Daniel Eisenhour’s wedding in El Reno, Oklahoma (aka Vet School reunion!!)
29- Celebrate Scott’s birthday at the house with family and friends at our house
31- Amanda’s 24th birthday

September
1- Scott’s 28th birthday
4-7 Sara on call during Labor Day weekend
10-15 Sara to San Antonio for CE and staying with Franklin & Kathleene
18-19 Sara on call again
24-28 Scott shows heifers at the South Plains Fair in Lubbock
30- Kiwanis banquet

October
2- Chicken & Bread Days Kiwanis booth
6, 13, 20, 27 – Sara has online CE
7-10 Scott shows heifers at the State Fair of Texas
16-17 Sara on call again
24-29 National Milk Producers Federation in Reno, Nevada

Wow, aren’t you tired just reading that?? Add to that the loss of one hand at the dairy, me walking/training heifers every day for about an hour, me trying to start running every other night again, and trying to keep the home fires burning… I’d honestly just love to slow down and breathe!!!

One Year Anniversary

Somehow, some way, Scott and I were able to get away alone together for about a week. This, in and of itself, is amazing. We were truly blessed to have the time together, especially in light of the events to follow.

First off, we got to spend a few days in the Fort Worth Stockyards. DFA has a Young Cooperators program and several months ago, we applied for membership. The application was actually very long and detailed and wanted to know all about our lives off of the dairy. Then we had to send in several pictures of ourselves doing things around the dairy. So we picked some cute pictures (Scott posed me feeding a calf, Scott baling hay, me at the clinic, etc) and sent them in. So we get to the meeting and Scott’s friends from Winthorst told us it’s no big deal, they just flash the pictures up on the screen, we explain them and go on. So we did. At the end of the day they announced the finalist- and our names were called. Then we were told we would have our interview in the morning. Finalists? Interviews? Then the next morning a panel of judges asks us a few questions in front of the whole group. We did okay. Then at the end of the day, we’re announced as the winners. And tell them what they’ve won: we now represent the DFA-YCs in the Southwest Council. That means we get to travel to the National Milk Producers Federation Annual Meeting, the DFA National meeting, some meeting in D.C., and get to plan next year’s YC meeting. WHAT?!?!

This is actually really great. Just the week before, we had decided that we needed to take more trips together to wind down and reconnect, and to do this more often than once every 5 months. DONE. This position will force us to follow through with that commitment. It gives us something to look forward to every few months- which is a BIG deal. And we get to take some great all-expenses-paid trips out of town.

Then, we got to go spend five wonderful days ALONE together (okay, Friday was spent driving there and Tuesday driving home, but we were still alone). Scott’s Grandpa owns (owned ) a condo in Angel Fire, New Mexico and he let us stay there for free as an anniversary present. The weather was great; the highest afternoon temp was 77°F and I think we had a thunderstorm every afternoon. Saturday we slept in, laid around being lazy, went to a little street fair in the ski resort, drove over to Eagle’s Nest to window shop and came home to take a nap. Sunday, our first anniversary, we celebrated by going to church. Some of Grandpa’s best friends for over 45 years attend that church when they are at their summer home in Angel Fire. He asked Scott to serve on the table with him and gave a very nice talk about having horizontal Christian relationships with our brothers and sisters (and their grandchildren) in Christ and a vertical relationship with the Father. We went down to Taos for lunch (authentic Mexican), then back to church, then grilled steaks and had our wedding cake , which was surprisingly delicious! Scott took my breath away with 3/8 Karat diamond earrings- he wanted to make our first anniversary special. All I got him was an iPod, which is what he wanted, but still not a “forever present.” Monday, we took a day trip over to Red River and did more window shopping.

Ahhhh…. The beauty of not having any commitments, not having to go DO anything, and most importantly, having time to fall in love with each other all over again- to have quality time together and to reconnect. Zero responsibility- so wonderful!!

And then all of that ended. On the way home we got word that Jesse, the dairy hand that has been with us for 16 years, was fired for mouthing off to Kenton in Spanish. *SIGH* Bye-bye, Scott. Nice knowing you. I think I’ve seen him (waking hours) for an average of 1 ½ hours a day since we’ve been back. However, this transition has somehow been easier because we were able to gain a new trust, respect, and somehow find some more patience for each other. Yet another struggle in our young marriage, but God is here in the middle of it with us. With Him, all things are possible.

Far Behind

So sorry- I've had lots and lots of ideas for posts but haven't quite gotten around to writing them. However, last night (in my infinate spare time) I was able to sit down for a few hours and type my little heart out. The result is that I have several posts that will all be posted today in chronological order, but will obviously not be posted as they occured. Hope it's not information overload! Enjoy!

Hay Season

(Started on 7/22/10)

Again, I think it takes a special kind of woman to be a dairyman's wife. You have to be independent 80% of the time, but then switch back into devoted wife when he gets home for that other 20%. You have to be understanding at all times, just accept that when you are in a hurry, nothing will go smoothly, and expect calves to be born on Sundays and Wednesdays. When your husband gets home late and you haven't seen him all day (or since 3 am when he left), you have to wait and back off a little and let him rest, eat, and shower before he's ready to hear all about your day or snuggle up on the couch. And, especially right now when times are hard, tongue biting becomes an Olympic event.

I've learned that there are two distinct seasons at our dairy: making hay season, and feeding hay season. Both are stressful. During making hay season, the goal is to get finished with dairy stuff ASAP every day so that you can head to the hay field. Weather is a very important factor. You have to pray that the rain doesn't fall while the hay is cut and laying on the ground, but that it rains buckets the split second after it's been bailed or fertilized and right before you start cutting the next field. You even hae to be concerned about the amount of dew on the hay, and most days you have to wait until the dew dries out enough to finish raking/bailing/stacking/moving hay. And let's not even talk about the "D" word: drought!

Besides the weather, you have other things to contend with, such as grass hoppers, army worms, equipment failure, fertilizer that sits too long on the dry field, quality of the hay, protein levels, etc.

During feeding hay season, the stress revolves around how much hay you are having to feed, how hungry your cows are, how long the hay you made the previous summer will last through the winter, how much you have to buy from other hay maker's, what the quality of that hay will be, how much hay costs and then trying to wait paitently until it's making hay season again.

And so the cycle continues.

Catch up...

So the events of the past few months have not been very interesting, but have been a whirlwind. Mostly, we both just work until we drop and see each other about an average of 2 hours a day. No big life-changing events, no exciting news, just life.

Hay season has started, which means Scott spends a lot of time on his big green tractor and I spend a lot of time at home alone. Sometimes that's okay, like after a long day of answering endless questions. But mostly, it's kinda lonely. Some days, it's like we are roommates that come and go as we please with our own schedules and own agendas and barely have time to check in with one another. In summary, we're just exhausted.

Other new news: "they" are digging an oil well just on the other side of the back fence of the dairy, and "they" are running a gas pipeline right through the middle of our hay fields. There's a lot of frustration mixed with disappointment that goes along with this mess.

Oh well, vacation (a YC meeting combined with our 1st anniversary) is only 2 months away--- something to look forward to!

Sadly, I found this draft and forgot to finish it- oops!

Okay, well, I didn't want the month of March to go by without an entry, so here is a brief update on our somewhat hectic lives:

We've been super busy at the clinic. It is officially calving season in Montague County and that's keeping us afloat. It's been kind of nice, because the monotony was killing me, but some days it is so hectic you don't have time to think. Then I get home and I'm worn out! Not much time or energy to excercize, read, or clean house.

On another note, the schedule at the dairy has changed yet again and Scott no longer has to get up at 3:30 am!!!! This means that I have a husband that comes home before dark (thank you time change) and has energy to be a husband until around 10:30 or 11!!! It's been really wonderful. I think we needed this a lot because life had been pretty miserable for several months (maybe since Christmas?)

We also went skiing together for the first time-- I must admit I was worried about this big trip. First of all, Kenton is an avid skier, favorite activity ever! So I was really worried that I was going to be a big disappointment to him when he saw how terrible I was. Second, I didn't know who I was going to ski with. Third, I haven't skied in 8 years and was terrified that I was going to hate it or hurt myself. But it turns out that Scott is not that great of a skiier and that Suzan likes to ski slow (like at my top speed) so it went well. It was a pretty nice break and a chance for us to get away as a family and relax away from the dairy.

Submission & Forbearance

Submit: to yeild oneself to the authority or will of another

Forbearance: a refraining from the enforcement of something (as a debt, right, or obligation) that is due

These words have been thrown at me for several months now. I do believe I will be learning their true meaning for the rest of my marriage, but I got a crash course earlier this month.

When I really think of submission, I think of letting Scott make all the big decisions, letting him be the leader (spiritually or otherwise), and yeilding to his whims when it comes to things like dinner or plans. I think this is part of it, but I feel like I'm missing the bigger picture.

Forbearance makes me think of Dr. Ward's favorite quote, "Don't sweat the petty stuff". It means keeping no record of wrongs, being forgiving, like the master who forgave his servant's debts. I have a bigger problem with this one. I get frustrated when I come home and he hasn't done anything to help around the house, like put away the clean dishes or rinse out his milk glass or leaving mud on the floor.

So, first big hurdle in our marriage: low job satisfaction on both our parts. For me, it was being treated unfairly at work by being expected to perform but not being scheduled business and then being blind-sided by my bosses with a confrontation about my poor attitude. For Scott- he has tons of knowledge and a huge desire to implement ideas, but when it comes to implementing those ideas and making improvements, there is no capital and little cooperation.

While tossing around ideas (relocation being one of them) we decided we could either give up and gamble to find something else or tough it out. This is the part where my husband really proved his integrity:

1. He got angry for me. He was mad and upset and disappointed with me. He defended me (not in my bosses faces, but it meant so much to me).

2. He laid out our options. He honestly wanted to know what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, what kind of practice I wanted to be a part of. He didn't immediately try to fix things.

3. He earnestly wanted to pray for us. This was the first time in our marriage that we actually prayed together for ourselves, for something specific, for His divine guidance and we try to figure out what we were supposed to be doing with our lives. More than just your run-of-the-mill "thank you for this day. bless this meal to the nurishment of our bodies" prayer. Earnest. Heartfelt. Genuine. Real. Since then we have prayed every night as a couple for specific things.

4. He told me that we just have to make the best of it, for now. We have to push through with a good attitude. And we have to keep our options open.

It amazes me how these trials bring us closer together and closer to God. I love it. I was so overwhelmed to see my husband as that man- strong and leading me. It made me trust him more and made it easier for me to submit and forbear- not that I'm perfect in that department- but it made me want to improve definately. Looking forward to more trials to make our relationship stronger....

Dear Clients,

Why must you always tell me what to do? Did you go to school for eight years and spend $150,000 to earn the title of Doctor?

Why must you wait to bring your sick dog/cat/horse/cow/pig/sheep/goat/cockatiel in to see me 15 minutes before quittin' time when I've been doing nothing for the previous 4.5 hours?

What makes you think that you can be rude to me all the time?

Why do you expect me to call you back in 9 minutes and 42 seconds with the results of blood work/x-rays/biopsies when it takes your human doctor at least 2 weeks to call back?

Also, why must you always speak to ME and not my highly trained staff? Human docs very rarely call their patients back.

Why must you complain when you have a brief 10 minute wait in my reception area? Name one time you were seen by your MD on time, even if you got to your appointment early.

Why must you gripe about your bill? And why do you expect to only pay $50 for a $600 stay in the hospital? You do not have pet insurance, this is a small business, and no, I don't have to treat your pet just because he/she is dying and/or wounded.

I am human, I have off days, and I will do the very best I can.

Give me a break!!!!!

Brides Wearing White

28 years of morals and convictions paid off.

My Cousin/Aunt, Katleene Runnels, has written a book about purity. It consists of several short stories of young women "who fall in and out of love, meet dating challenges, experience personal growth, and confront the screaming pressures of promiscuity." The characters in the book are all based on the real life experiences of herself, her daughter, her sister-in-law, her friends, and myself. And yes, I am the bride on the cover.

I must say that I take a lot of pride in this book. Not only is it super cool that Kathleene thought enough of my life's story to write a book about it, but it is so rare that women are looked up to and congratulated for remaining pure until marriage, for doing what is right in God's eyes. I am honored to be a part of it and to hopefully be an example for other ladies. It's rewarding, a pat on the back, a hug. It's a testament to God and to mine and Scott's lives. Yes, I am proud.

Did I make the right decision to remain celebate until marriage. You bet. I can't imagine being that intimate and that vulnerable to someone that hadn't vowed to God to love me and cherish me and take care of me for the rest of his life. Physical intimacy is lots of fun, deeply satisfying, and freeing. Being able to do that within the confines of marriage is wonderful, and there is absolutely no guilt or reservations or sense of shame afterwards (like after you made out with that boy you shouldn't have in high school). It is awesome that God made something that amazing to be shared between a husband and wife- something that no one else in the world can share with me, that ultimate connection.

Kathleene originally wrote the book for her granddaughters, but now I think she hopes it will reach all young women. How great to be apart of this - I am overwhelmed.

Holiday "Fun"

A belated documentation of our first holiday season:

To start, I was on call at Christmas for the first time, first Christmas away from home, first in our new house, first as a married couple. Lots of first and no hint of normalcy.

Secondly, it SNOWED. Not just snowed, BLIZZARDED. I'm not kidding, 12 inches of blowing, drifting, freezing snow. People getting stuck in drifts, on the highway, stranded on the side of the road on Christmas Eve. Scott spent Christmas Eve afternoon pulling people out of the snow with the tractor, making sure calves didn't freeze, and trying not to freeze himself. I spent the afternoon alone at the house and then went to the clinic to take care of 25 boarders and one sick cow. I had to pour hot water on the cow barn door to unfreeze it enough to open it. And then the cow ended up going the wrong direction and holed up by the hay.

Christmas Day was not fun. The clouds had cleared and it was gorgeous outside- pristine white fields, perfectly peaceful, and not a soul in sight, except for us. We were outside busily feeding calves, milking cowsm, pulling the milk truck down the road, walking dogs, and carting grandparents back and forth in my pickup (the only 4WD that wasn't stuck in the mud or the garage). Scott and I slip-slided to town to walk dogs, and then he went back to the dairy. We didn't get to Suzan's to eat Christmas dinner until 2 and, of course, I got called out just about the time I went to fill my plate. I got done just in time to walk dogs while everybody else worked at the dairy. We met up at Gran'ma and Granddad's for supper and finally opened presents around 9 that evening. Then we went to Kenton and Suzan's and opened presents there around 10. Then we went home and opened presents from each other. Scott loved his wallet, I loved my watch, Pepper LOVED his cow. Small successes.

The next day we tried to dig out of the snow and drive to Lamesa to celebrate with my side of the family. There was ice and snow all the way to Tahoka and Scott wouldn't let me drive, so it was a loooonnngggg trip. We got to stay a few days, so that was nice, and then I had the day off when we got back and then New Year's Eve at the church. Scott had to get up and help milk for nearly two weeks after the blizzard to help with the muddy cows, so we didn't see each other and when we did we were exhausted- life wasn't fun for a while.

And that's the story of our first Christmas--- memorable, to say the least. Here's hoping next year will be better....